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    So today I celebrate 10 months clean. 10 months of continuous sobriety. That is huge for someone who never had more than 18 days clean in 8 years. I thought that I will continue using till I die because I did not know there was another way out there. I only knew my way and my way failed miserably till I started doing someone’s else way .Suddenly it worked.

    I always thought that the problem was in my mom’s illness, my dad’s perfectionism.. It was someone’s else fault . I was wallowing in self pity , the poor me attitude and “see how much God hates me”? Life was unfair and I was nobody to myself. Because I treated myself that way, people treated me the same. They say we teach people how to treat us. When we treat ourselves with disrespect then we are inviting similar treatment from people. I was waiting that special person who would have the magical solution to my ultimate problem which is me. I was so codependent, so miserable and flirting with death every single day. I was like a car with no breaks. Today, 10 months later I have everything I could dream off. I am still in the same job for 4 years, not the best job in the world but it is better than not working. I am soon getting engaged when I have a year clean time and I have my friends back in my life. My relationship with my family is much better and they tust me again. What more can I ask possible ask for?

    My road to recovery was not always easy. Actually for the most part it was very difficult and painful but it was worth it. Not in my dreams have I thought this is possible. That maybe, only maybe, there is a beautiful life out there if I stay clean enough to enjoy it. That life is not only about receiving but making the best of what we have; if you get lemon then do lemonade. Life is not always full of joy and smiles but it is definitely better than sleeping everyday thinking this would be my last and cursing God next morning why I am still alive. Today, I have established a relationship with my HP. Very simple relationship that is basically formed of asking for help every morning. Sometimes I don’t know why it feels good to do that ? Maybe because I admit that I failed and I need something bigger than me that can help me. So 10 months later my mom is still sick, my family is still the same, coworkers still the same but I am the one who is changing very slowly sometimes but always forward. I had to learn how to walk just like a baby learn how to walk these little first steps. I am so grateful for everyone who was part of my recovery including you guys in 12 Step National Meetings and my local NA/AA home group. Recovery is always possible if we believe in it. We fail only when we stop trying.

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