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- June 16, 2017 at 3:19 pm#43170AnonymousInactive
Today is my 20th day sober and I feel great. I think what differentiates this time from other stretches of sobriety is the fact that before I was counting sober days, but in reality it was more of a countdown to my next drink. I would get a couple weeks in and give myself a reward, which is fine; however, my reward was more alcohol . . . definately NOT good. I finally realized that I just cannot drink anymore. Now my sober-day count is to remind myself that, as of today, I have 20 days of bliss under my belt. I plan to reward myself for sober-days, but with anything but alcohol.
Over the last 20 days, I have had engagements at which I would normally drink heavily. I was on a week-long business trip last week, most of which consisted of me just sitting in some re-certification classes. I would normally blow them off and drink all day. Instead, I woke early, went for a run, ate a healthy breakfast, and remained part of the group all day. I made dinner plans and drank iced tea. It felt great to come home full of energy. I would usually come home utterly exhausted and drunk! I also attended two functions where alcohol was served. I always cringed when I would think about such situations because I felt people would ostracize me for not drinking. Honestly, nobody even noticed.
I am taking this journey a day at a time, and sometimes just a breath at a time. I have had a pretty easy go of it over the last 20 days and I know that can change in an instant. I have been honest with my family and close friends about this problem. I have told them that the times when I am difficult to deal with and not fun to be around are the times I am drinking. You see, I am pretty good about hiding my drinking, except for I get onery and am an a-hole when I am on a good binge. This way, if things get tough (1) I can call on people to tell them I am having a tough time, and (2) it won’t be so easy to hide. I think the kicker for me is that I am doing things for myself and not feeling guilty. Just like everyone else in this world I need time to relax. I used to feel so guilty about that and I would just drink to relax, or so I thought. Now, I take time for myself. Once I have decompressed I am much more attentive, and eager to help with household tasks or with others problems.
I will keep everyone posted on my progress. Thanks everyone for your support.
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