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  • #38152
    Anonymous
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    I am a 27 yr old Female – My “journey” with opiates started when I was 18 – I was prescribed opiates to control a chronic pain condition called Endometriosis; At first, being on opiates was the answer to the endless days I was spending just laying in bed in excruciating amounts of pain – I could do anything NOW, I was never educated on the long term effects of opiate use, I was young, uninformed & all I wanted was to get “better” and these little pills were the answer to it all.

    It started with Vicodin, then to Oxycodone, then it got to a point where I was needing more of the medication to treat the daily pain & after about 6 months of having my OBGYN prescribing me these meds she sent me to a local pain clinic.

    I visited the pain clinic for the first time on my 19th birthday – I was so hopeful & excited – after spending nights/days in the hospital & ER’s, I was looking forward to the prospect of working with doctors who were trained in dealing with chronic pain & who would also provide me with ways of coping & dealing with the pain aside from just taking pain medication – Boy was I wrong about that.

    I was assigned to one of the BEST pain doctors in the clinic, I mean this DR has patients who come from all over the states because his reputation is so good – I walked into his exam room, my vitals were taken along with my temperature by his nurse, she left & he came in – He was nice, compassionate & understanding to all that I had lost due to my pain – After him listening to my 30min sob story he asked me ” So what pain meds work the best for you” – I walked out with scripts for Ms Contion, Oxycodone, Dilaudid & over the last 5 yrs I have at some point been on everything from Fentanyl to Morphine ( the only thing I have never been on is Oxycontin)

    Again I was never educated, or so much given a slight warning on “what could happen” after being on these meds for a extended period of time & I do not want to place all the blame on the Dr’s; Yes I could have done my own research & educated myself, but all I cared about was I was in pain & definitely not emotional sound at this point & these pills were going to take all that away and I would go back to living like any other 19yr old out there….

    I am now 27 & my life couldn’t be any further from what I had always hoped & dreamed it would be at this time in my life – of course over the years my dosing was just increased every time I voiced that I was having to take more medicine to get the same pain relief – within the last 6mnths I had resorted to getting pills from 3rd parties to get me through till my next fill, because of my increased usage I was of course running out of my prescription early & had to find other means to get me through, so I would not get dope sick. I never resorted to, “Street Drugs” only pharmaceuticals and never took them other than the “oral” route.

    On Thanksgiving, I was driving home alone, of course, with just me, myself & my thoughts – I truly was 100% honest with myself, that this ALL had gotten out of control & that I needed to TAKE CONTROL & get off the opiates.

    I called my Mom, spilled the beans on all that had been going on, told her everything & that I was going to do whatever it took to get off the pills, At this time I was on
    – 90 Mgs of Ms Contin
    – 60 Mgs of Oxycodone
    ( The above was what I was prescribed, but in all truth I was running through Month prescriptions in about a week & a half to two weeks, leaving me 2 weeks out till my next fill, this being when I was going through 3rd parties to carry me through till my next fill)

    I was living my life from hour to hour, min to min, pill to pill – it was ridicules, everything in my life suffered, My Relationship (cant really believe he is still around), My career, My finances, My schooling, everything was effected and to be completely honest I FU,ed everything – I do not even think I have fully grasped the reality of the situation & how much “Correcting” I have to do once I am “well”.

    So now I am on day 21 without any opiates – I will not go into detail about the Cold Turkey Withdraw process (if you do want details, just let me know & I can post a new thread or private message about it), I will just say the first week, was hell & you have to have someone there to “watch” after you, cause my mind was so out of it & FU,ed, that if I didn’t have my mom there I probably wouldn’t have made it or even worst done something(unknowingly) to myself

    Now to the whole point of this thread – My biggest issues now are not the physical withdrawal, as I think I am pretty much over that part of the process – but I am having problems with the “mental” part as well as I have NO ENERGY do anything, like I literally feel like passing out just walking up the 13 stairs from my downstairs to upstairs –

    So MY QUESTION IS: Anyone who has been clean for sometime, How long did it take for you to feel like a “normal” person again? Is there anything I can do to increase my energy level & do you know of any good “alternative” ways to deal with the mental/depression side of getting clean.

    I am also here for support – I think the worst part is the guilt that you feel after clearing the fog out & facing the reality of what you have done
    I am finding it easier to withdraw instead of talking about it, so I hope my post will find someone, anyone who can understand what it is I am experiencing, Not that I would wish this horrible “truth” onto anyone.

    I look forward to any and all replies, Sorry for such a long post, I just have a lot to get out of this head & heart of mine, they are weighing very heavily & some how I hope this will help
    Thank You In Advance
    TC

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