Well I am beyond angry, disappointed, guilty and ashamed of myself. I was very content going to AA meetings, getting a temp sponser, making new healthy connections and yesterday I walked into a bar at 11 am and started drinking. Why is what I keep asking myself. WTF possessed me to walk into hell without stopping myself? I can honestly say I had real pressure in my head for 2 days because of some real problems yet I chose to drink. Knowing what I know and still going forward is making me feel very unhinged. Today is today I’m not drinking but I am still a drunk in body and soul. I am slowly painfully killing myself. I don’t want to die. Where was my higher power? Did God turn his back on me?