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    Hi Folks

    I’m about to finish a drinking period in my life even tho I’m not sure if it’s going to happen.
    I’m just 25 years old but been through a lot and really don’t want to go into details why I started drinking around 2008. My father is a heavy drinker and smoker as well, fortunately I do not smoke anymore and it’s not likely I will ever going to be an active smoker. Also while I been drinking I missed cigarettes even less. I do agree that smoking is much more damaging than drinking by just looking at my 50 years old father who lost all his teeth and caughing all days from it.

    2 years ago I couldn’t believe that physical alcohol addiction which affects so many people is such a big issue that you can’t just kick it. The first 3 months of my drinking was actually very good, I started up with beer then later with white wine. I average drink like 5-10 bottle of beers and 1 bottle of wine every day, this is how the day ended. I watch some movie or did some gaming till hit myself out then wake up next morning and feel choked.
    After another 3 months passed I didn’t want to quit doing it anymore. Without it the days would be so boring and depression + headaches started to come up as well. I started throwing more into the package and drinking champaign, jackdaniels sometimes too. At this point I had around 8-15 beers, 1 bottle of wine, 1 bottle of champaign almost every day. I did drink a whole box of beer (26) in 2-3 days. Made a good business for the local liquore store 🙂
    I was out of job, no family, nothing was coming so didn’t left much to live for at this point. My friends were fuckers too, none of them helped anything in my life, were losing them too. I had no reason at all to stop drinking.
    I almost never started the day with drinking tho. I woke up around 2-3 pm every day, usually I felt well from previous days drinking but couldn’t think clearly. These were 4-5 hour periods then I either wanted to choke a drink or had headaches and depression so eventually I only managed to stay sober for 6-8 hours a day.
    Another six months passed and it got worst. I wanted to kill myself some days, nothing changed in my life at all and got really small motivation to stop drinking or even take back from it. I think what made me do it was the fact that I couldn’t think clearly to do my job (online freelance coding) also I ****** up job interviews on simple questions because the answers didn’t come to my mind. Alcohol was in my entire brain and it felt like a goddamn cloud which clears for very small amount of time in a day when I could be “creative”.
    In these days the VERY best I could do is skip 1 single day with drinking. The problem was that I never experience anything like alcohol addiction before. I didn’t know how to handle it or what’s happening to me.

    So I started sobering myself on a week. The first day went ok, as I said I used to skip 1 day sometimes. The next 4 days were hell. This was the first time in my life when I lost control and felt disoriented. I never ever passed out or anything like that before. I didn’t know what’s happening to me, I had paranoid toughts about I have some problem with my brain because it didn’t want to go away. I felt dizzy and completely disoriented. In one minute I was happy in the second I was depressed too. I come online to read more about what to do when you detoxicate your body. I bought many fruits, vitamins, natural water and eventually got through it. When it got worst during the day I always started eating and this helped getting through those moments. After a week the dizzyness was gone.
    I managed to be sober for 2 weeks overall.
    My life didn’t change so I started drinking again but not that heavily. Just beer, even from that the lighter ones.
    From that point I could even have 3-5 days without drinking. Usually in those times the 2nd day is the worst, when I’m through with that I can remain sober for longer.

    I heard so many bullshit about what both alcohol and drugs do like permanently damage your brain cells. Probably not half of these accusations are true but what I noticed after that heavy drinking period is my memory not that good. I often don’t remember things but then I look it up and got it. Both my short and long memory affected.

    I was active smoker for 2 years and I recall some days I have been smoking hell of a lot, I would say disgusting today but I kicked it many years ago. I can tell you that if you only smoke this much then stop it your lungs will recover and it won’t effect your later life at all. I never caugh because of this, don’t have any damage in my health and don’t want to start smoking again. But is it the same with alcohol? We hear so many lies and scaring stories from the health industry, guess not even half of them are true. I’m just curious about if this 2 years really made permanent damage of any kind in my system. I ****** up my nerve system anyway with many hours spent front of the computer. I do know alcohol damages your nerve system too. Lately what I experience when I don’t drink I feel very nervous not depressed sometimes I could break things with no reason.

    I even tried to get back to weed, I loved it when I was 20 years old but no longer attracts me. It feels like I grown out of it even tho weed can make you a nice trip while alcohol is always the same feeling.

    The general thing about drinking, smoking, drugs, gaming is the same, you shouldnt overdo it.
    So that’s all folks if things would’ve work out better for me in life I would never get this far regarding drinking. But it’s done now and I wonder if I will be ever able to kick it for good.

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