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- March 28, 2016 at 6:51 pm#38910AnonymousInactive
I’ve been browsing the forums here for a couple days now and I believe I could find a lot of support here on my personal journey to sobriety. I’ll go ahead and tell a little bit about myself. My name is Chris, I’m almost 24 years old, divorced, I do have a good full time job which I’ve managed to hang on to. I have been telling myself for almost 3 years now that I’m too young to be an alcoholic, however the more I read and step back and look at things, the more I realize, I have a problem. I come from a long line of daily drinkers, and was brought up not realizing alcohol could be a problem.
I had a nearly perfect life, I married my high school sweetheart when we were 18, by 19, we owned our first home, both of us had very good jobs, nice vehicles. I can look back today and everything was in place to live a long and fulfilling life. Then I slowly began drinking, first with family, then it spilled into friends, one night a week became two which became 3 then before I know it, every night. Slowly my life fell apart, I lost my job, my house, and most importantly the person that meant the most to me, all in early 2008.
I would estimate I have been drinking daily for nearly 4 years, but since losing my wife and everything I had worked to build, the drinking has intensified. In May of 2009 I moved to a much larger city than I was accustom to. The night life and being closer to my friends proved to increase my drinking by nearly double every day. Previously I may have stopped after work and picked up a 6 pack of some sort of micro brew, limiting myself to that daily. Since moving it seems I hardly have a night I remember 100%. I can’t count the number of nights I would pick up a bottle of bourbon after work only to wake up the next morning to it being empty, hardly recalling the events from the previous night. What started as partying with friends became a nightly ritual by myself. I was slowly starting to consider I may have a problem, I wasn’t drinking for fun anymore, I wasn’t even drinking socially anymore. I was drinking so I did not have to face life.
Last Wednesday night was the eye opener for me. I had a friend come by, a long time drinking buddy. We were sitting around chatting, and of course, drinking. We had a bottle of 100 proof liquor and a case of beer. I vaguely remember finishing the bottle, then I don’t recall anything else. I woke up the next morning to a very sore and very scraped up leg. I could hardly walk and had no recollection of what happened. I asked my roommate what had happened as he was the only sober one in the house at the time.
I stood up around 2:30 am (I don’t remember past 10:30 or 11:00), unable to walk, I braced myself on walls or anything I could find to get into my bedroom. I locked the door and they heard a very loud crash, no one was able to get into my room, I was silent. I’m not sure what happened, roughly ten minutes later they tell me I called and told them I was ok.
As laughable as the story above sounds, it’s some what of a last straw for me. When I woke up, 8 hours later, I blew a .18 on my portable breathalyzer. I decided that day, I’m done, it’s not a choice for me any longer. At this rate I will have a very short and unfulfilling life. I have not had a drink since then, nor do I have intentions of ever touching the bottle again. However, I’m very concerned about the next few months if not the next few years of recovery.
Even the last 3 days I’m noticing emotional highs and lows. Yesterday was the worst so far. I found myself becoming angry at petty things, so mad I was red in the face. This is very unlike me, I’m very laid back by nature, not easily irritated, I just like to go with the flow. What else can I expect to experience and how can I stay on the right track? I’ve yet to have a craving but I’m sure it’s because it’s all new to me and at the current time I’m still motivated to quit. This is something I want and most importantly need, but I don’t want to lose friends or distance myself from family. I’ve read several stories on here of people that have quit and live a sober life now which gives me hope.
Any help or input will be greatly appreciated, I know it will be a tough road but I’m sure it can be nothing but positive.
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