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    As a boy, I received a red ball for some special occasion from my folks as a gift. I despised the color red. Don’t ask me why, but red just was not the color of my dreams. Maybe my red hair as a boy had something to do with this distain for red. Blue was my color! Teachers and friends of the family would compliment my blue eyes like my Dad’s and I loved blue for it!

    I loved that blue, I mean red ball. Over time the ball became blue, well sort of anyway. I used school watercolor paint to turn it blue and for awhile it made it easier to believe it was truly blue. Of course with playing and water the blue came off. I was relentless in the pursuit of changing that ball from red to blue. I tried using those cheap Bic Pens to color it blue. I tried everything, but the red would still shine through. So I finally made believe that this red ball was blue and no matter what the ball looked like to anyone, it looked blue to me.

    In life as a recovered Alcoholic, this behavior and thinking of denial is ever present. Today when offered the opportunity to make a decision according to any given situation, I return to the Red Ball. Do I accept what my senses tell me or do I attempt to color the ball blue? Just because I put the plug in the jug does not make the process go away, I still have to choose. I dream today, but I do not live in my dreams. I make decisions and take action today that I am responsible for and the blue ball never enters the picture. Why, because I know what the truth is today. The ball is red.

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