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- May 6, 2016 at 2:39 am#39206AnonymousInactive
I haven’t posted here in a while, but I’m happy to say that those of you who may remember me probably remember a very confused drinker who was trying to quit, and then a person who had a very rough first year of sobriety. I am now 14 months sober, and I’m happy about that, and can feel my life changing in ways for the better. Anyway.
Tonight after an obligatory work function, there was a “cocktail” hour in the same location where we had just had our meeting. I stayed for this cocktail hour and happily drank club soda. Then our boss wanted us to join him at another location because he had made reservations there and people would be having drinks and appetizers. After thinking it over, I decided to go. I felt okay, and I could share a ride home with my boss who is also my friend. When I arrived it was a small table of people who had ordered pitchers of margaritas and they were passing around glasses to everyone. I discreetly asked the waitress to bring me a virgin margarita, which she did. After a while I ordered a second virgin margarita. Upon first sip, I thought that the second drink tasted different–but wasn’t sure what it was. I thought maybe I tasted alcohol. It wasn’t strong, so I wasn’t sure. I sipped a few more times, and then asked a guy next to me to taste it, telling him I don’t drink alcohol and asking him if he wouldn’t mind tasting it for me. He tasted it and said he didn’t detect anything. So, I went back to the drink, took a few more sips as we were engaging in conversation, and then whoa. I felt my limbs get heavy and warm. I immediately pushed the drink away. I was very upset that this happened and still am. I have heard about things like this in the rooms of AA where people say you have to watch your drink and stuff like that, but I felt like things were very much in control. I held onto my glass the whole time, so it wasn’t that my glass got mixed up with anyone else’s. I can’t figure out what the heck was in my drink–maybe it was bitters–it wasn’t very strong, because I know I would have noticed right away if it was tequila or hard liquor. I was so upset that I almost cried. Then I wanted to run away. This restaurant was very crowded, the service was terrible, and I was worried about fitting in. As it was, when she brought my first drink over, she broadcast: “WHO HERE ORDERED A VIRGIN MARGARITA?” So much for me being discreet. I wanted to ask the waitress if she was sure my second drink was a “virgin” but I didn’t want to draw attention to myself. I guess old-timers will tell me that I was more worried about fitting in than I was about my sobriety. I just don’t know what to do with this experience. I feel somehow that I failed–that it was my fault for being in this situation–but I have been living like a nun. I have been so afraid and awkward about going out. I’m trying to feel more normal about being a non-drinker, and just go for the conversation and food and then go home. I don’t go out a lot, so please spare me the “going to the barbershop and eventually getting a haircut.” Anyone else ever have this experience? Any advice? Thoughts? Thanks for listening.
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