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  • #31056
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    Greetings all,

    After lurking for awhile,reading other’s stories,I felt compelled to try and write.Im an American,living and working in Lithuania and recently(1 week ago) after waking up once again to a hangover and empty beer bottles all over the place,I found myself in a familiar place…sitting on the sofa with my cell phone in hand,terrified of checking whom I called and what crazy text messages I had sent.I don’t know what happened but I just snapped,it was as is a voice was in my head screaming “HOW LONG AND HOW MANY TIMES ARE YOU GOING TO DO THIS?! I’ve been drinking for years but only this past year has it escalated to this level.In the bars every night,blinded by 11pm.I’ve had enough!
    I must say,compared to some of the stories I have read I have been lucky. No physical symptoms but what is killing me is the boredom,and this strange sense of loss that I just cant fathom.It’s almost the same feeling of losing a woman that you loved so you sit and concoct crazy schemes to get her back……what is this? Why am I mourning for a liquid,a man-made drink? Why does the thought of never having a beer fill me with dread? Has anyone else experienced these things? I look around at my life and I have so much to be happy for yet here I sit yearning and mourning a stinkin beer…any words of advice would sincerely be appreciated and thanks in advance. These emotions are truely testing me

    Dett

    #162323
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    Welcome !

    Quote:
    must say,compared to some of the stories I have read I have been lucky. No physical symptoms

    Yet. Alcoholism is a progressive disease. If you’re an alcoholic, things are only going to get worse for you.

    Quote:
    It’s almost the same feeling of losing a woman that you loved so you sit and concoct crazy schemes to get her back……

    Wow ! Now that’s some alcoholic thinking I can really relate to. You may just be in the right place.

    Suggestions ? Don’t try it yourself. It doesn’t work. Any idea you come up with to quit drinking will be pretty much in the same vain of getting that woman back.

    I’m coming up on a year here myself, and I go to AA. I didn’t want to go, I thought I could do it myself. But I got to the point where I had no other options, and surprise surprise, it works !

    Today I am happy, serene, and comfortable. Give it a try.

    #162325
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    @Dett 1496028 wrote:

    Why am I mourning for a liquid,a man-made drink?

    Dr Silkworth had referred to the phrase “phenomenon of craving” several times in the book. It is unique to Alcoholics and nobody else can, nor be expected to understand.

    @Dett 1496028 wrote:

    Why does the thought of never having a beer fill me with dread?

    Because, you are lost without it. Good, bad or otherwise, it’s been a friend to you. Sometimes, your only friend. There is an unknown life out there waiting for you. Fear of the unknown plays a big part in human nature. All the questions come up. What will my life be like, what will I do, will I lose my friends, will I become celebate and never meet girls, will people think I’m weak, will I fade into obscurity? The list is endless

    @Dett 1496028 wrote:

    Has anyone else experienced these things?

    Probably all of us! You’re in good company.

    #162321
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    Welcome…..:)

    Please read this link…

    http://www.time.com/time/magazine/article/0,9171,1640436,00.html

    And….the 2 top sticky post at the top of the page.

    Keep posting…we do understand

    #162328
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    @Dett 1496028 wrote:

    Greetings all,
    I must say,compared to some of the stories I have read I have been lucky.
    Dett

    You might enjoy this old post about phone calls — you might also crawl under the bed in embarrassment when you read it.

    Because I’ve just returned from a long absence, the system won’t let me post links to old threads — so just do a search here in 12 Step National Meetings for “Drinking and Telephones.”

    You won’t be the first, you won’t be the last to endure this. With a little help . . . Well, maybe it will help, I don’t think it can hurt.

    M.

    #162324
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    Hey Dett,

    Expat teacher here also (in Asia, though, not Europe). I’m assuming that expat life where you are revolves around bars and clubs the same way it does here? It can make it seem more difficult to quit – fears of being completely isolated are strong disincentives – but really, we’re just making excuses. Since I quit, almost 6 months ago, I’ve socialised a little less and focused a little more on other things. Nothing much has changed, except I get a bit bored after a couple of hours in the bar. Small price to pay. I’ve also realised that when I used to think that EVERYONE in my particular expat bubble drinks a lot, what I meant was A FEW people drink a lot but I spent too much time with those few. There are loads of moderate drinkers and sober people around, and I’m sure Lithuania won’t be that much different.

    The fear of quitting – yes, exactly that feeling of losing a loved one – is, I’d guess, the same for us all – it can be terrifying and debilitating, particularly in those early days. But, then you quit, get some sober time, and you start to wonder what the hell all the fuss was about. You normalise, to put it simply. Which is not to say that it’s over, but you certainly have a fresh perspective and some power over the addiction.

    You’re right to say that boredom can be a killer. Recovery, in my opinion, needs to be active – it’s not very effective to simply stop drinking, because then you suddenly have a big hole in your day with nothing to do but sit around thinking about not drinking. I need to do stuff. In the first 2 months, that meant AA meetings, simply because I didn’t know what else to do or where to go. Although I’ve stopped going, they were very helpful and interesting (seriously!) and I wouldn’t hesitate to go back if I felt it to be necessary. Now, I exercise a bit more, read more, play music more, work on my academic stuff more, watch movies more (and actually watch them as opposed to starting blankly at them) and so on. This isn’t accidental, though – unstructured time is a killer for me, so I need at least a vague idea of what I ‘should’ do in a day.

    Anyway, coming here is a good start. Keep posting,

    Best wishes,

    Mick

    #162326
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    @Dett 1496028 wrote:

    any words of advice would sincerely be appreciated and thanks in advance.

    Since you put it that way, I do! Your desire to quit lasts a few days and along comes your desire to drink. It trumps your desire to quit everytime. Here’s your options.
    You can wait to “snap out of it” someday which is possible. I haven’t heard of that happening yet, but still possible nonetheless.
    You can continue with your life as you are now and live to the ripe old age of around 62.
    You can have a life altering event due to alcohol which are seldom good and increase your desire to quit.
    You can suck it up and quit right now. Using a little less “Wishbone” and a little more “Backbone” might make all the difference in your endevor.
    I have yet to hear anyone tell me how easy it was to just quit. You’re no exception.

    #162329
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    I wanted to thank you all for your replies.It has been a week since my last drink and Im just going day by day. There have been wonderful effects of leaving the fire water in the dustbin of my personal history.I must say Im happy to wake up feeling…well…actually good and awake. How many mornings did I wake up feeling like I had been on the recieving end of a royal beating,spending half the morning just trying to find the energy to get up….I’ve always been someone that sought to understand emotions and found that looking at these new emotions with detachment helps. I find the strange timings of these desires to drink partucularly baffling and amusing. They seem to have their own schedule and the “craving monster” pops up at the oddest times…right when I least expect it.
    In regards to the suggestions to go to AA meetings,unfortunately English-language meetings happen here once a week,if that,but I will be going.I see no need to scoff at any potential exit out of this dark hole I’ve dug for myself.
    Mick,cheers to you mate also. You hit the nail on the head with my fears and worries. You are indeed correct.For alot of expats,life revolves around the bar/club scene…Im very worried about losing friends.I already have my girlfriend scratching her blond,Lithuanian head in confusion that Im not smashed out of my mind lately and had friends telling me ” c’mon,you’re not alcoholic,have just one”…..but I know what this pressure is..straight up If I’m an alcoholic(and I am) then they are as well and that thought is terrifying
    Thank you again everyone…this talking is helping

    Dett

    #162322
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    Welcome to 12 Step National Meetings Dett, from what you have posted you are in the right place, when you go to AA listen closely for things you can relate to, this allows you relate into the group, listening for differences you have with others results in one relating out of the solution.

    I’ve been drinking for years but only this past year has it escalated to this level.In the bars every night,blinded by 11pm.I’ve had enough!

    I can relate to this big time, but I was pig headed, it took me about 10 years after that point to know I had to quit, I had to go into medical detox to stop…… not sure if I would have lived through detoxing myself.

    No physical symptoms but what is killing me is the boredom,and this strange sense of loss that I just cant fathom.It’s almost the same feeling of losing a woman that you loved so you sit and concoct crazy schemes to get her back……what is this?

    Oh yea!!!! My biggest fear in quitting was what the hell was I going to do without drinking? Booze was the one thing that was always there for me, like a lover, at first things were great, then she would beat the hell out of me and leave me alone….. then she would start calling me telling me it would be okay the next time, she promised me she would not kick my ass if we went out again, of course we went out again and it was even worse then before, but she was the only thing I knew, she had become my life, my reason to live even though she was killing me!

    I look around at my life and I have so much to be happy for yet here I sit yearning and mourning a stinkin beer…any words of advice would sincerely be appreciated and thanks in advance. These emotions are truely testing me

    Hmmm maybe we could write a book together, we sure sound alike! Brother you are not alone! I have been there & done that.

    I wanted to thank you all for your replies.It has been a week since my last drink and Im just going day by day.

    You have found one of the secrets to long term sobriety, do not commit to “Never” drinking again, every morning for just over a year now all I have done first thing in the morning is to simply commit to not drinking today, when my old lover alcohol calls me and says “Hon it is okay now, you know I am here waiting for you, go ahead and have a drink, I will treat you like I used to treat you.” I just simply tell her “Not today hon, maybe tomorrow.”

    One day at a time, has been one of the keys to me staying sober today, tomorrow I can always drink if I choose to.

    I find the strange timings of these desires to drink partucularly baffling and amusing. They seem to have their own schedule and the “craving monster” pops up at the oddest times…right when I least expect it.

    Oh yes, she is a seductive lying little wench… in AA we say that “Alcohol is cunning, baffling, & powerful”.

    In regards to the suggestions to go to AA meetings,unfortunately English-language meetings happen here once a week,if that,but I will be going.I see no need to scoff at any potential exit out of this dark hole I’ve dug for myself.

    I found the solution to my drinking problem in the rooms of AA, yes it might very well be true that you only have one meeting a week near you, but once you have started to go you will be sitting in a room full of people who know exactly how you feel right now, they will (Like I and others here do) also be more then happy to share with you how they got sober and more importantly how they stay sober!

    Get phone numbers of some of the folks there, call them when ever you like, they want you to call them! Why? Because not only are you helping your self stay sober by calling them, you are helping them stay sober to!

    No need me sharing my whole story and boring you and everyone else here, suffice it to say that I drank for 40 years, in the end I had no choice….. I had to drink, I had to drink to live.

    I went to the doctor, he told me I needed to be medically detoxed, I got medically detoxed, they told me if I wanted a chance at staying sober to go to at least 90 AA meetings in 90 days & get a sponsor! (Maybe not possible for you… the 90 in 90). I went to AA, did the meetings and got a sponsor. In AA they told me that if I wanted a chance at staying sober and being happy to work the steps with my sponsor.

    Well here I am over a year sober, I have worked the steps & continue to do so, I am happier then I have been in over 30 years and all I did was follow suggestions!!!!

    #162327
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    Even with almost 8 months sober I still find that “Never again drinking” is scary to think about, which is why I apply what most others apply “TODAY I will not drink”
    It’s much easier that way. In the early weeks I was too hung up on the words “NEVER”
    “NO MORE”, “forever”.. I became less panicky and anxious when I allowed myself to think in terms of EACH day. TODAY I will not drink.

    :nanarock

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