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- October 30, 2015 at 11:06 pm#37773AnonymousInactive
Ok, bear with me, this could end up being a long post.
Right so I am now 3 months sober. And am sooooo happy. I have found the serenity that I heard spoken about in the early meetings, have a sponsor and have done steps 1-3. I am doing my first share tomorrow evening too.
Anyhow, I was speaking to my sponsor today on the phone and something she said bothered me. I had been out with a group of 4 friends (one of which is my younger brother also) last night to see a rock band (as live music is a passion of mine) who were playing in a bar. I was the designated driver now I don’t drink and they had a couple of drinks each while I stuck to diet soda. It really didn’t bother me that I wasn’t drinking, I didn’t even think about it tbh.
I enjoyed the music, enjoyed being out of the house as I am a single parent and so nights out are few and far between, and enjoyed waking up this morning with a clear head and another day of sobriety under my belt.
However when I spoke to my sponsor this morning she said that I need to consider changing my group of friends if I want to succeed in the programme, and that a good friend of hers had been in AA for 8 years and then fallen because he couldn’t let his old friends go.
Now I can sort of understand that, if you are a person who socialises a lot and the British culture (I am British btw) seems to revolve around pubs and bars a lot for socialising. But I am a real homebody, I drank at home for the majority of the time and the only time I really ever went or go out is to watch football (soccer in the US I believe) and occassionally to see a band live.
My friends who I go to the football with are a totally different group of friends who I see at other times. I have noticed that I don’t enjoy spending time with my football friends as much anymore as they get really drunk and tend to make idiots out of themselves and to me it highlights the fact that I am happy to be sober and that I was only friends with them because of the drink. I cannot see these friendships enduring now I am sober.
However the guys I was out with last night are what you would call true friends. I have known them all for between 10 and 30 years (in the case of my brother) and our good times together are not dependent on drink. Why do I need to give up seeing these people? And can I not go out to see live music anymore because I have stopped drinking? My sponsor says I need to speak to people within the AA more and try to make more friendships through the meetings, but to be honest I am quite a shy person and I find it hard to let people into my life. I have already been told that I should stick with women at the meeting rather than men which is hard for me, as I get on a lot better with guys (as I sometimes find other women intimidating as I am a heck of a tomboy even at 35).
This conversation with my sponsor has really brought me down. I am not going to stop hanging with my brother and I really do love the other two friends I was out with last night too. But I want to be sober too.
Would love to know what you guys think about this.
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