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- September 28, 2015 at 11:44 pm#37533AnonymousInactive
Ahhh, yes. That familiar monster, sitting in the back of my head. He’s crying right now. He’s been looking for a way out for months. I could feel him, screaming, crying, kicking his legs, stomping his feet, pounding his fists on my brain. He wants out, and I think to myself….
Is that really such a bad thing?
Of course, we ALL know the answer to that question.
But I figure I could quell him. Quiet him down a bit. Just pop a vicodin, an oxy, or have a few beers. That ought to shut him up.
But alas, my friends, we ALL know what he’s really looking for.
Plain, simple. Just a 20 or a 40… Maybe just a gram. That would surely satisfy his desires?
Ahh, once again, we really ALL know the answer to that question.
So Why am I here, with weird words, repeating what we all really know in our hearts?
Because I am at a crossroads of sorts. My best friend of over 10 years, has hung out with my ex (who introduced me to crack) long enough that he’s “graduated” to bigger things. My guess would be he is smoking crack with my ex. I am certain of it. In a Maury Show kind of way.
His girlfriend calls me today. Odd how people JUST KNOW when I am on that side of town (surely, I will have to check all my vehicles for cameras and tracking devices). I was down there. Not to cop. Not even thinking about it. What I had in mind were, yes, oddly enough, craft sticks. I own a small business making bird toys and parrots go NUTS over those things. I get a few thousand, color them with food coloring, and make the toys. Sell them, make a little cash. Made almost 700 bucks at my last fair! Anyway, I was nearly out. I went to my usual wholesale place, nothing. So I went hunting at local dollar stores. Nothing… Well, there was one dollar store left, on my ex’s side of town. So I go, and I SCORED BIG! Got thousands of them…
Anyway, just as I am walking away with my haul, the phone rings and it’s her. Saying he’s been gone all night, and I just checked with her about 5 minutes ago (it’s 7:30PM) and he’s still not back. Well, when she called, I decided to chance it, not being in my car, I knew no one would notice me. I drove by my ex’s shop, just because I thought I’d be able to tell her that my best friend wasn’t there (he ll, I thought he’d be at his kid’s house). What I saw nearly ran me into a tree. My best friend’s truck. Right there. So I took another chance and drove to the shop next door, owned by my best friend’s brother. I ask him if he’s seen “John” (obviously not his real name), and he had. Said he went with my ex, but the funny thing was John’s brother told me he knew there was no work available and no job sites… He thought it was weird. Yeah, being a crackhead, I can put two and two together now. Especially when my best friend told me, two weeks ago, they were done with the project.
I’ve busted him in several lies. Heard THOSE kinds of messages left on his answering machine. I know what’s up. I don’t need to see it and I surely do not desire to see it either.
I told him it was a horrible idea to work for my ex. I begged him never to ride with him as he ALWAYS drove LOADED. ALWAYS. It’s why he goes through 1-3 vehicles per year. PER YEAR!!!!!!!
I know he is going through some rough times. Going to lose his house, which was an event that started happening before he started popping pills. I looked past the pill popping, to a point. If I found them, I dumped them. He learned to hide them better. I’d find them, dump them, and so on….
And I know that the strong opiates he has can be sold for a premium on that side of town and that any activity with that Ex of mine means trouble.
I worry my best friend will get caught. He’s not good at being a junky. None of are, ya know? It’s going to happen sooner or later. He knows it. I showed him my ex’s record. I got lucky. I NEARLY got caught so many times. I knew it was a matter of time before I would get caught, and I know it won’t take long for my naive best friend, though he is getting shown the ropes by the “best” liar in the world… Another crackhead. Da mmit.
Just makes me want to use. MUST NOT.. I know.. But it’s a stressful thing and even more so because it means I have to move my bird business from his house (I use the shed in back), and remove myself from 10 years of a wonderful relationship with a man I love as much as I love my best gal pal. A man I love like family.
But I cannot stop him either. Top it all off, and we’ve got lift off for a potential downfall..
I need more hours at work to keep the crack monster at bay..
F U C K…..
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