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    Made me gain 30 pounds over the past 3-4 years! I am disgusted. And what I’ve realized is it is a vicious cycle. I started drinking to escape painful feelings of loneliness at a young age (18). It worked, as well all know, for many years. But then the disease progressed and progressed until I was no longer drinking to be social and to ease social anxiety, I was drinking because I had no social life and was lonely. Why do/did i have no social or romantic life, because of drinking! The things that I did when I was drunk and the fact that towards the end of the progression it is easier than sit and drink than go out and deal with people. But when I am sober, and sometimes when I’m drunk, I long for friendship and romantic connection. So i go to work and my other obligations, but whenever I am out and about I am so insecure because I don’t feel good about the way I look because of the 30 extra lbs. Now of course in order to lose those all i have to do is stop drinking. Not only will i cut out the calories but i will actually have the energy to go to the gym and won’t be sick every day.

    It seems like such a simple solution. I am sober now (on the end of day 3) and can see all of this very clearly. How backwards all of this thinking is. Alcohol causes me to be isolated when I desire connections, so I drink to drown the isolated feelings.

    I want nothing more than to stay sober for the rest of my life and to see the positive changes I imagine would come from a life of sobriety. Its just that these changes don’t happen in a week or a month. Facing the pain while trying to get sober and change my life can seem unbearable, which is why I haven’t been able to get sober in the past permanently.

    Sorry to ramble. Your stories inspire me, and I am sure that I will benefit from any comments that show up in response to this post.

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