- This topic has 0 replies, 1 voice, and was last updated 5 years, 2 months ago by Anonymous.
- October 12, 2015 at 6:36 am#37628AnonymousInactive
I have always taken my meds as prescribed. I am physically dependent on oxycodone, but have never taken more than prescribed.
Presently, I am tapering down. I plan to begin a new thread that charts my progress, or lack of.
Right now, I am ahead of myself in this very slow taper. Today I forgot a dose, and started yawning after 8 hours without the meds.
I really want to be off of this medication. I have never used drugs (except a glass of wine with dinner.) I DO have a significant panic disorder (a lot of abandonment and abuse issues.) I have spent my life doing contortions to work around the fear and depression.
Personally, I don’t think that it matters whether I am an addict or not. I have a problem, and this medication has become a problem. My personality has changed, and my depressions are worse than ever.
I am grateful for this site and the wonderful people on here. You have taught me so much.
I want to live a better life and be able to function. Both of my children are so angry at me, that they won’t even speak to me. My ex-husband is a psychiatrist who humiliated me in court by calling me lazy. (Through his lawyer. He never says anything directly, and he basically ambushed me with the divorce. He has no empathy at all for depression and anxiety, and that I really hurt. My children have gotten the message that I am a total loser. I dedicated 20 years of my life raising them, teaching them, making a beautiful home, and trying to enrich their lives. Now, neither of them even acknowledge me.)
Most of the time, I feel like a frightened animal. I did this to myself. Instead of building my own life and insuring my independence (I was accepted into medical school the year I had my first child,) I stayed home and became dependent.
I am almost unemployable at this point, and emotionally a wreak. I pray every night for strength and energy. I have a lot of love to share, and I care deeply for all vulnerable living creatures. I want to contribute something to this world, but I feel like I can’t keep fighting.:sick:
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