Hi everyone,

I know ultimately I may be the only person who can answer the question but I just wanted some input and advice.

I have been drinking for about 4-5 years. I hit a bottom of losing a wonderful job, the best relationship I have ever had, having huge financial problems, nearly being kicked out of college, and a few suicide attempts. This was about 3 years ago. I stopped for a bit but amazing I picked drinking right back up again. In those days I drank at inappropriate times. Since then, I became “functional” and usually drank at night when all of my responsibilities were fulfilled.

Since it became “functional”, I have done some embarrassing things and made a fool of myself in front of my friends and frequently black-out. The consequences of drinking aren’t as bad as they were before.

Regardless, I have wanted to make an effort to stop drinking. At the same time, when I do manage to stop for a few days, I seem to “miss” it. I also get depressed knowing that I can’t ever drink again normally and feel envious of others who can. Especially being 24 years old, it seems like so many people my age(not to stereotype) enjoy doing it and I feel like it would be hard to find a crowd of friends who aren’t into it.

I guess a question I really want to ask is, if I really seem to miss drinking and feel this way when I stop, does that mean I am not ready to quit? This is making my recovery especially difficult.