I’ve been sober for a few months with a pretty epic slip up last month ( I posted about it). Anyhow, the last time I stopped drinking was because I had basically hit rock bottom, and really had not other choice.

I wasn’t drinking but had never flipped my mind over to recovery mode. I just didn’t drink. Still thought about it, missed it, wanted to do it.

Then last month happened, and I couldn’t be in denial anymore. Also, something else changed, I still can’t pinpoint what, but I know I didn’t want to drink.

Anyhow, yesterday, I hung with friends who are drinkers. I conciously made the decision to drink. I was coming of an overnight stretch of work, and one thing I’ve learned, is when I’m overtired, I make poor decisions.

I was with people I trust, my child was away, and I don’t have to work again until Friday. I drank, and didn’t enjoy myself.

This morning, my head and bank account are suffering.

I am not trying to justify with myself why it’s okay I did that yesterday. I know it was wrong. I don’t plan to do it again. Totally different mind frame then the other times I’ve drank while trying to recover.

I feel like I’ve finally gotten control over my drinking, by having another slip up yesterday.

Does that make sense? That now I can really truly see how it’s not working for me to drink anymore? Or am I just playing head games with myself, and don’t want to admit that I am really having a hard time with this.