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    I quit for 7 months from December 2007 to July 2008. I had the PAWS thing quite bad for a month and felt a bit depressed, but came through it and felt a lot happier with life.

    On July 26 I was knocked off my bike and suffered loads of painful minor injuries. Then later that day my printer broke, I burnt my dinner and my favourite jacked get ripped on a door handle. I decided to drink just to get wasted for a few hours to forget my troubles and pain.

    The beer did not do much – I just felt a bit dull. Anyway, I bought some more beer (more than before) the next Saturday, and did this until 4 weeks ago. It was then I started buying beer on Friday and Saturday (drinking as much as 25 units of alcohol) over the two days.

    The Wednesday just before the one that has passed, I started a brew of 1 kilo of sugar, super-yeast and flavouring in a bucket. On the Friday I bought cider and had 10 units of alcohol. On the Saturday (6 September) the brew was ready and I drank loads of it ( a bit more than half a bucket full). So I had 3 litres of 10% alcohol hooch in one session (30 units of alcohol) and felt horrible.

    Oh boy .. what an awful week at work. I’ve been sweating like a pig and making all kinds of dumb mistakes – but I’m over it and back on track.

    I went to the supermarket after work and went back to my lovely ginger ale and fresh orange juice as my ‘treat’ drink.

    What have I learned from my relapse?

    1. I can’t moderate drink – I fast-track straight to a psychotic idiot guzzeling brain-damaging amounts.

    2. I got no pleasure or even a high from booze – the only 2 things were addiction and self-destruction.

    3. I glad I relapsed in a way. There is nothing in alcohol for me any more.

    Finally, when you relapse you have to go through the PAWS symptoms again (to a lesser or greater degree, depending on how much and for how long you went back to booze) – So relapsing brings a lot of stress with it even after you get back to sanity.

    Oh well, at least I pulled myself together (I’m 6 days sober now) before I hit bottom. Thank you for being here – It helps me to come the forum now and again to read the good and the bad.


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