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    so I thought Id post here and see how it all comes out…..

    I have always liked a drink. My ex and I always enjoyed a few and often had too much BUT I could always leave it and go several days without thinking about drinking etc… I certainly didnt deem it as a problem.
    Now we have separated for quite a while and I have a new partner plus a lot more free time when my children are with the ex. My new partner drinks even more…. I dont mean he spends his life pissed… he just can consume a lot of booze without it touching the sides. As a result Ive drunk a lot lot more the last year and my body is really feeling it now. I dont crave alcohol as such, but for example despite having one or two too many last night, as I dont have my kids tonight and no work tomorrow, I know we will drink.
    I have just made a cup of tea to avoid the lager in the fridge but as soon as boyfriend gets here Im sure we will go for a drink or get a bottle in.
    I try not to drink on work nights, but I often make an excuse. In any week these days I seem to go no more than 2 nights completely dry.
    It is a problem cos I feel so ill. Im too scared to see a doctor at the moment, one step at a time,I just need to face up to the problem I obviously have.
    Typical case of all my friends drink. My mum is an alcoholic as was her father, my brother is on his way and I never ever thought I would follow.
    Shockingly my bf’s dad is an alcoholic also.
    In a moment of denial I would like to say that we’re all really lovely people. Ive found this very hard because my mental image of a drunk is someone slurring their words in a pool of their sick with no money and no job and no life.
    Truth is my boyfriend and I have an amazing relationship, my kids are happy and healthy, I have a great job, we have a lovely house and a wonderful life. But a LOT of it centres round booze.

    I am trying to get myself to a place where I can manage my drinking and not overdo it anymore… its just I dont know anyone who does and have never seen a good example of how to spend a whole night in a pub without getting drunk.

    I have calculated units, calories, looked at health risks in an attempt to scare myself in to sorting myself out – Ive asked my boyfriend to give up drinking with me but he wont, he doesnt see it as a problem. He isnt difficult, embarrassing or dangerous when he is drunk… so I guess thats down to him to realise that he has too much.
    The worst problem I have is when I do drink on a work night I can feel really rough at work, but Ive learnt to cope with it.

    Last night after telling myself as it was a work night… well yesterday in all I had 6 330ml bottles of beer and half a bottle of red wine. Thats not not drinking!!! I felt tired and sh1t this morning but ok to work. now am exhausted and grateful its my day off tomorrow. But that said, know there will be drinking tonight.

    Im often told the first step is admitting there is a problem…. so there you go….. I really dont know where to go from here…..

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