- This topic has 0 replies, 1 voice, and was last updated 3 years, 8 months ago by Anonymous.
- May 10, 2017 at 1:28 am#42786AnonymousInactive
In all honesty drinking is the only thing I cared about for a long time. the night life is all I lived for.
As I posted on here last week I had a major relapse last weekend. I will not get in to details but that most recent failure really got me thinking Why do I drink? I have some issues in my upbringing that have definitely warped my perception of the world, and was a bridge to the beginning of my problem. But as I have gotten older I have only gotten worse.
my goal is to be a sober happy person. but I am having some major difficulty with one thing and that is caring again. Drinking left me so numb and was my life for so long that I literally care about nothing. I dont enjoy video games anymore, reading isn’t fun, and i used to be quite the guitar player before numerous run ins with fellow band members (when we were drinking of course) would manifest itself in physical violence. To be honest sex doesn’t even interest me anymore (and if you had read any of my previous posts that was one of my biggest worries about recovery).
It is like no activities even interest me, and I can’t follow the old advice of “do what you love” to not drink. Its like it finally gets to a point and I say screw it, I don’t enjoy life sober anymore than I enjoyed it drunk and then we are back to square one with worse withdrawals and even less dignity.
is this something that alcohol could have altered in my mindset or is this just something wrong with me inherently. I love the feeling of waking up sober, refreshed, and ready to go. But its like What am i even waking up for? I realize i probably sound like a Dry drunk and if that is the case please let me know. I am not bitter about life, or not partaking in the nightlife, I am just completely apathetic towards everything now. Maybe its depression who knows.
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