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- May 13, 2016 at 3:31 pm#39279AnonymousInactive
I am putting this out here to see what your responses are. This is something I need to resolve. I don’t believe I will drink.
I had a very strong foundation in AA. And, I have never had any doubt I was an alcholoic. After 7+ years, being busy with work, school I found myself attending less meetings. I also found myself judging more and putting personalities before principles. Approximately 10 years ago I slowly stopped going to meetings. About 8 years ago, I was dating someone who drank and was not going to meetings at all. We were camping and he kept pushing a beer towards me, I finally took it and took a sip and then handed it back to him saying I can’t do this. I didn’t go back to AA because I didn’t want to tell people about it. I never did anything like this again. My disease almost had me. I am angry that I even got in this place to begin with. When I finally did take the beer , I did think about it and that I would have to change my sobriety date. After that drink, I thought what in the world did I just do! Well, I don’t have to go back to AA unless I start drinking. So, let’s see if I can go alone. I honestly believe, that the small amount was enough to start the physical cycle. Somewhere the power off AA stayed with me that I could not ever take a drink. I knew what would happen. So why put myself in the position to go out.ly, I believe the power of AA stopped me – had I not had that strong foundation. But the disease and the thoughts kept me away. I started meetings again 1 ½ year ago, got a sponsor and worked the steps.
I talked to three people about this, my sponsor and new sponsor and a friend. One sponsor ran it by another sponsor. The sponsors said it was ultimately up to me, but to look at the original intent. Mine was not to drink until it was pushed at me and in my hand. My friend said a drink is a drink. I wrestle with this as I don’t want to give up my sobriety and I am angry that I ever allowed myself to get in that position to begin with. I grew up in the old AA. There is no gray area. I do know it’s all or nothing for most of us.
I came back to AA to work on my sobriety which means my emotional sobriety. I have had it both ways living with AA and not. AA is the easier way. Glad to be back. I would like your thoughts.
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