Viewing 15 posts - 16 through 30 (of 97 total)
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  • #163938
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    :banana:

    #163950
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    Approaching a birthday, still here, putting one foot in front of the other…

    Peace & Love,
    Sugah

    #164022
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    Way to go North!!!

    I’m coming up on 7 months! So glad to hear from you – I worry about you when you’re not here!

    Keep us updated – when you’re having a good day, I’m so happy…when you’re having a bad day, I think “thank God it’s not just me”.

    Amy

    #163964
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    What a cool thread !!!

    I have 31 more days till my 1 year.

    I haven’t told anyone at na… but I thing I’m going to.

    Deep down …I love attention and support. Still a struggle at times but I’m doing way better.:23:

    #163972
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    im here – 2 years clean on october 5th

    #163979
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    Emmer, shout it from the rooftop (ok your chair is fine) It is sooo something to be proud of.

    #164003
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    Hi Family,

    Other than staying clean one day at a time, I’m enjoying the last few days of my TLO (temporary lay off) before heading back to work Monday. I recently celebrated 9 years clean and life is life (the good, bad & ugly). One thing for sure, whatever comes my way isn’t enough to want to use over. Living life on it’s own terms without the use of drugs is what it’s all about – come hell or high water. Congrats to all those celebrating new cleantime milestones!!! WTG!!!

    #163941
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    I’m here…not a happy camper though! ;-(
    The pain in my lower abdoman has been getting worse…I don’t let on and always seem to find a reason not to go through all the necessary steps to get it checked.
    I was supposed to have a colonoscopy last year after they found swelling on my intestine but didn’t…so to make a long story short, I am on pain meds {darvocet} tonight and supposed to go in first thing in the AM for a check-up and take it from there.

    I am not happy to be taking painmeds…I feel like I am doing something wrong…and they are not touching the pain, just making me sleepy. I have had a rotten day and it’ll probably get worse before better so any good thoughts sent my way would be much appreciated!
    Sorry, didn’t mean to dump on you all!
    And thanks for the check up thread {{north}}! You keep hanging in there!!

    ~Jane

    #164025
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    I’m here too.
    9 years clean this month for me.

    One thing for sure, whatever comes my way isn’t enough to want to use over.

    Same here. Not a chance.:dance1a:

    #164011
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    family…that is what you all are and i’m sorry to break the chain (of all the positive post) that all of you are making it work, but each day, i seem to go backward.

    i don’t know anything else to say other than you all are fine people and i screw up and i get tired of trying and failing, trying and failing.

    when will i ever want recovery more than drugs? i can not tell you how worthless i feel. just a little screw up is enough to make me fail. if i can’t do it right then in my mind, i have failed.

    i drank two beers tonight and tried to purchase coke……the coke thing didn’t work out but what does that matter???? i still tried. i swear, you all…..i don’t want to be negative or bring people down, put things are not alright with me. i can function but something has got to give. i can’t keep doing it. Where is god in all of this?

    tonight, i tried to find a sponsor and a lady has taken my number but a sponsor can’t make me change. i’m serious….it has to come within me! i have to want it and my way isn’t working….it’s leading me straight to self destruction. i don’t even feel normal anymore.

    i don’t want any pity…..i promise……….i just don’t know what to do anymore. I’m suppose to be trying…and one minute i think it’s possible and then the next i want to just go somewhere and give up.

    i know alot of you think it’s a cop out, i make no excuses for myself. what do i want? what do i want? my god….just make a decision–end it– or change it! i wish…oh god…i wish someone could do it for me, i wish….i hate myself right now.

    that’s all i have to say, other than, i love you all and you may never know just the extent that i truly mean that…but i do.

    #163954
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    Hey , this threaad is for WHATEVER you are going through!!
    Jane…Movin…its a struggle man and if it was easy please believe I would find something else to do besides all this FREAKIN RECOVERY FOOTWORK I have been doing these past 15 days!!! My god..it is hard for me right now!! BUT I am LEARNING…learning how very POWERLESS I am actually..
    How little control I have over so much stuff…especially my addict inside..
    It will always be there..this recovery thing is just one day at a time but we are NEVER cured..

    Movin..it’s OK to be where you are at..Its your TRUTH!!
    I respect you for being ballsy enought to say it instead of writing some nice poetic recovery crap!!! This disease is UGLY and RUTHLESS….and wants us dead…it won’t stop…we have to step out of it..
    And coming here and asking for help is a way to do that…Movin..I would LOVE to hear you say 5 NICE things about yourself!! I dare you as a matter of fact…!!:)
    You beat up on yourself worse than ANY of us could…and your addiction is talking to you…go to the meetings..thats what I do..what else CAN we do??? Keep trudging..and Jane….I am just glad you are getting your medical issues taken care of. It sounds painful and scarey to be where you are at right now…be gentle withyourself!! and you can dump on my thread anytime..

    We will find solutions you guys…

    Just don’t give up,,,,,and if you are still using , just don’t die…and we stand a chance….life or death for me you guys..
    love north

    #163995
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    @Jane63 1502942 wrote:

    I’m here…not a happy camper though! ;-(
    The pain in my lower abdoman has been getting worse…I don’t let on and always seem to find a reason not to go through all the necessary steps to get it checked.
    I was supposed to have a colonoscopy last year after they found swelling on my intestine but didn’t…so to make a long story short, I am on pain meds {darvocet} tonight and supposed to go in first thing in the AM for a check-up and take it from there.

    I am not happy to be taking painmeds…I feel like I am doing something wrong…and they are not touching the pain, just making me sleepy. I have had a rotten day and it’ll probably get worse before better so any good thoughts sent my way would be much appreciated!
    Sorry, didn’t mean to dump on you all!
    And thanks for the check up thread {{north}}! You keep hanging in there!!

    ~Jane

    I didn’t want to go for the “invasive” colonoscopy, so I opted for a “pretty” reliable feces test you take home and send the samples back to them. It doesn’t take very long and there is no waiting, because the lab takes the samples without an appointment.

    A lot of people have died from colon cancer and I personally know of two and they both died right after it sent them to the hospital where they found out what they had. Please don’t wait too long to check it out.

    #164017
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    Hey NorthBelle… 14 days is GREAT!!! When you say “needle free” I assume you mean “opiate free” right? No munching on oxy, no vikes, no nothing?

    If you can make it to 14 days you’ve pretty much made it. A heroin detox starts off 90% physical pain and 10% psychological. After 14 days it’s 1% physical and 99% psychological.

    I don’t know how many times you’ve been on this merry-go-round yourself, but I’ve done this enough to know that as time goes on, I will think about dope less and less.

    Maybe I’m wrong, but I speculate that even now that you’re clean, you still sometimes think about cooking up a shot. Or one morning you can’t seem to get out of bed and you remember the days when you would awake to a morning fix. Don’t worry–that’s normal.

    Give it another 30 days and you’ll still have those urges, only less. 60 days and you’ll almost never think of it–but occasionally, yeah, you will. But 90 days is the magic number–after 90 days, I bet you won’t be thinking of it at.

    Another thing: don’t tell us that everything is rosey just because that’s what you know we want to hear. The wonderful thing about this place is that we can be totally honest and not have to worry about being judged. I do know what it’s like, so if you hit a rough spot, we’re here for you.

    God bless and good luck, keep up posted on your progress

    x-j

    #163980
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    Just keep talking about it, OK? That’s a first step.

    Jane, please go get it checked. It may be something completly fixable and you will have wasted a lot of time in pain. I spent months in agony (and vicoden) because I had such horrible menstrual cramps and bleeding (sorry guys) I finally got up the guts, had blood work(no pain), had an ultrasound (no pain) and finally got an iud put in to control the problem. Guess what???? NO MORE PAIN. I truly thought I had cancer and that’s why I was scared to go. If it had been, I’d probably be dead now because I waited so long. So you take care of yourself. You’re too important.

    #163955
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    Hey guys!!
    (((EX)))))….I KNOW you have not heard ME say everything is rosey!!
    Please believe I think about it!!!!…and today is one of those days..my body does not even want to move..missed the meeting..just CAN”T drag my self through the motions today. Was supposed to go to my kids school and absolutley COULD NOT fathom the thought of being surrounded by elementary school kids…I would rather swim a snot river …(CC??:) My son was really dissapointed..I feel so guilty..we have not done anything fun as a family all summer..all because of my addiction..I pretty much have nothing thanx to feeding my habit for months!! It all went in my veins!!

    (((CC))))…funny this topic comes up on stomach pain because I have it baby…cramps that would make childbirth seem almost pleasant….
    I don’t even know WHY I am posting..if I had any dope right now I would do a giant hit and call it a day…

    No..EX…things sure ain’t rosey…thanx for the post though..it helps to know its ok to feel like crap..

    16 days….somebody shoot me..

    love north
    love north

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