Viewing 15 posts - 1 through 15 (of 34 total)
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  • #31006
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    Greetings all, I found this forum by searching Google. Well I’m 26 years old and have been using cocaine on a pretty consistent basis for 3 years now.

    It started out as a weekend thing and grew pretty quickly. I was using probably about 3-5 days of the week for a good year or two. I met my now fiance around a year and a half ago. At first she was fine with it and she did it too. Eventually she started getting really tired of me doing it and wanting to do it all the time.

    Then it went back to a weekend thing. On Saturday night I would do blasts of coke all night until it was gone. Things were looking better, I was able to go once a week. I did this for a few months.

    As time went on she put more pressure on me, now it was time to go every other week and eventually every 2 weeks without doing coke. WOW this was driving me nuts, all I could think about was that coming Saturday when I could do coke all night.

    Last Saturday got pretty scary. I did about 7 grams of coke, and though I was going to overdose. I couldn’t sleep so I was up until 2 pm on Sunday. My fiance flipped because I didn’t sleep and told me she is going to leave if I don’t stop for good.

    I can’t stop once I take that first blast. I have to finish it all. Which can get out of hand. If I don’t stop for good, I will eventually kill myself and my fiance will leave.

    I guess my goal of being here is to get some advice, help and see how other people are handling their addictions. Once I overcome my own, hopefully I can help others as well. My faince doesn’t think this problem is serious because it’s a “weekend” thing. But what she doesn’t know is how bad I need these “coke weekends”. I really think she doesn’t understand. Or maybe I am making a “big deal” about this when really it’s not. Can a weekend thing be an addiction?

    #161067
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    Hi MD,
    Welcome to 12 Step National Meetings. You’ll find tons of great info here as well as a lot of support.

    Even though our Drug of Choice (DOC) is different, there are a lot of similarities. Looking forward to that next Saturday, or rather obsessing about it is a tell-tale sign. Additionally, some people like me can do a line of coke and then move on. However, after one puff of weed, I have to keep smoking until A) it’s all gone, or B) the sun is rising and the birds are chirping, in which I force myself to sleep. This compulsive behavior *is* addiction.

    If coke is on your mind all the time, ask yourself if this is what you want for your future w/your fiance. I know since abstaining from herbs, I am not obsessed about my next puff, or finding more food to sate my insatiable appetite, or dwelling about how I will pay for my next sack.

    I am only just shy of 2 weeks sobriety, and I feel like the ball and chain that is addiction is almost non-existant. It took a big fall for me to initiate it, but it was well worth it. Hope it doesn’t take the same for you!

    #161071
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    Thanks for the warm welcome.

    Obsessing, worrying my dealer won’t be around or that he isn’t carrying is something I wish to put to bed. I love my fiance dearly, she has helped me get past a difficult childhood situation that has been haunting me for 26 years now. She is my best friend, I cannot lose her. Which is why I am thinking about trying to join some type of program. She doesn’t understand what I am going through and I don’t really blame her.

    I now need to make sure this “Saturday” or blowing **** up my nose until my heart feels like it’s going to explode never ever happens again.

    #161063
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    hi mydigital. I am a recovering coke addict. I am so happy for you that you realize you have a problem. Cocaine addiction is progressive. Things will only get worse as far as use goes. First I started out wanting more and more and not going to sleep. Pretty soon I started to progress into horrible guilt and other rotten experiences. There are physical side effects as well. I found that the same amount of coke didn’t work and I needed more and more just to get high in the first place. Eventually, you can dig yourself into a hole so deep that the only thing left is jails, institutions or death. And believe it or not, it can happen to anyone. No one is immune.

    Unfortunately, losing your girlfriend might be the least of your worries, if you are a cocaine addict. Another warning, once you realize that you have a problem with cocaine, the disease will progress faster than ever.

    The beauty of it all is that you can quit. There is help available.

    Learn all you can about cocaine addiction and recovery. Reach out to others on forums such as these and also in person. There are out-patient and in-patient programs available. There are NA and CA meetings. There is a lot of help out there to help you to stop and stay stopped.

    It’s true what they say. Stopping is the easy part but staying stopped is much harder. Take it one day at a time and don’t use no matter what.

    Good luck. God bless and keep coming back.

    #161072
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    Thanks kitty, I appreciate the kind words.

    This may be a silly question but do you feel from what I wrote that I need to get myself into some type of program?

    My girlfriend think becauses I don’t use everyday that “it’s not that bad”. And I’m having trouble convincing her otherwise.

    And you’re right, when I slowed down I wanted more and more and more.

    I’m happy for you that you stopped, I have no doubt that I will too however it may be tougher then I thought.

    #161068
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    MOST of my friends and even my family never thought I had a problem either and it USED to bother me, I had to let that go, don’t get me wrong, I love my family they are the best, but I really used to consume myself with trying to get them to understand until I finally realized it was up to me, It was my life and I knew I was going to head for trouble if I kept going.

    Do what is best for you, I highly doubt your girlfriend is going to give you problems for looking for help for yourself. Why don’t you contact an addiction counselor and see about some individual therapy to help you and then later on your g/f can come in with you? You might also want to try an AA, NA or CA meeting, go and just listen a while and see if you can relate to anything. Keep your mind open and focus on what you think YOU need.

    #161073
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    Thanks for the advice DoingWell. I almost feel resentment toward her right now. Although she is the best thing in the world and I am the one who screwed up so it’s kind of ironic I’m pissed at her lol.

    I ran some searches a little earlier and found there are NA meetings a few blocks away from where I live. Now I just have to make myself go.

    #161051
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    Blow. Guaranteed to take your woman AND you wallet. If you can’t kick it yourself consider rehab. Good luck. NA for the religious and SmartRecovery for the non-religious….I think these are the 2 best deals going out there for those who want to quit using dope.

    #161050
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    Hi and welcome.

    That is great that you looked up some NA meetings close to you. I know it is scary, I was terrified in the beginning myself.

    NA is not a religious program, it is a spiritual program. I know people in the programs of NA and AA that do not even believe in God, it is what you make of it.

    Know one thing for sure, when you walk into the rooms of an NA meeting the majority of people in that room are there for the same reason that you are, becuase they do not want to use drugs anymore.

    Take it a day at a time. No one has to understand, you know and that is what is important.

    The fellowship is there, you dont have to try and do this alone.

    #161060
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    hi recovering crack addict here – i’m glad you found 12 Step National Meetings, i’m glad you realized you have a problem, i’m glad you want to DO something about it!!!!!

    if it’s a problem, it’s a problem, no matter what you call it. however, ain’t met many a coke addict yet who would “leave some for later” or who don’t find themselves living and breathing for the NEXT time.

    the bad news….cocaine is a b*tch…..
    the good news…….we CAN and DO recover…….

    read and absorb everything you can about addiction and recovery…….it does help to understand a bit what we are up against…….i don’t just show up with my track shoes on and THEN find out it’s a trialthalon……..

    cocaine f*cks with the brain….rewires it actually, which is why it is so dang hard to escape THE THOUGHTS…..we’ve spent a lot of time either thinking about or doing cocaine, we become obsessed……and it takes time to undo all that, to rework the faulty wiring. it can be done. it takes time and practice, hard work and diligence.

    but life free from active addiction is a beautiful thing…..

    #161074
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    Wow the positive replies really make me feel welcome. It’s funny these last two days have probably been the most emotional days of my life.

    Thanks people I have no doubt this will work out, I’m so disgusted with myself it’s [email protected]!

    #161077
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    Hey. It is possable to get clean and live, I won’t say normal cause normal sucks, but a good life.
    We all hit our own bottoms but as the saying goes, when you are sick and tired of being sick and tired and the pain of using is greater then the pain of staying clean, well, recovery can begin.

    Take it one day at a time, after all, it took you a lifetime to get this far 🙂

    #161052
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    As a non-religious feller I won’t pray for you cuz I can’t. I will wish you all the LUCK in the world though. Here’s to rolling 7’s, mang. Give it hell. Coke is such a waste of everything. Those guys in the NA meetings and SmartRecovery meetings will help you. Just go and keep going. Don’t sweat the small stuff right now.

    #161069
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    Not that there is anything wrong with this and it works for many.. but AA is a religious based organization, Federal Courts have ruled that on various issues. Most recently inmates/parolee’s must be offered alternative treatment to AA or any other 12 step or regligious group.
    Like I said this isn’t really a problem for many who choose to intermingle religion and recovery, but I just think 12 step groups should stop trying to claim they are not religious when they clearly are. The Serenity Prayer in it’s entirety… one example..
    The 12 steps (Originated from sections of the bible)

    I just don’t think people should be mis-informed when it comes to their life.

    #161056
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    This isn’t the Thread for debating any program. Please check out the first post, and keep the replies in that context.

    Feel free to start another thread about thoughts on the various programs for Recovery.

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