I have been trying to stay sober and having a rough time doing it. I had another bender last night and two this past weekend. I cannot drink. I have been on a downward spiral lately and I need to get totally involved in AA. I’ve been attending meetings but its not enough.

I am having problems managing ‘me’. I don’t want to be a gigantic drunk and I don’t want to accidentally hurt myself in a blackout. I blackout regularly and they are getting worse. I can’t explain why I keep doing this to myself. Its so stupid.

I need desperately to clean up my act. I need to keep myself from picking up the first drink. This is what I’m finding is really tough. I cannot continue to live like this though. I need to get with the program. I need to stay sober.