I don’t know what to do I’ve been craving alcohol so bad. I got asked by this random guy that lives in my city if I wanted to go to his house and drink alcohol. I really want to do it, but I know it’s bad and not safe, but I just want alcohol so bad i would almost do anything for it. I have no money my parents don’t let me access to money which drives me crazy. My therapist suggested going to an NA/AA meeting but it’s hard because I’ve been sober for a while, so i feel stupid going to NA/ AA because then I would be there and be like I have some time but I’m craving again. I wanted to get together with this guy today but he was busy so we aren’t but i am so tempted to leave this house and go downtown so what i can get off people whether drugs or alcohol. I’m suppose to go on a trip to China and i kind of don’t wanta go but I don’t know, so part of me wants to sabotage it , because if I relapse then maybe I wouldn’t have to go. I don’t know it’s all so confusing. I’m worried about school to like I’m going to graduate next year and sometimes I want to sabatosh it because I’m so afraid i don’t know what to do when I graduate, graduating is scary. I don’t know I’m just rambling.

Rachel