- This topic has 3 replies, 3 voices, and was last updated 8 years, 4 months ago by Anonymous.
- August 29, 2012 at 4:23 am#27746AnonymousInactive
“Today, has got to be the last day for this sh#!.” “Well, I’m going to finish the last of what I got and thats it!” Well I know once I finish tonight…thats it.” “Well, I’ve got an appointment 2morrow, and I know I need to get some sleep, so I’m good for my appointment.” “Do my eyes look funny?” “Last thing I want is for the Law to see me high” “or at least know I’m high” “Give me some visine…naw I cant put that in my eyes….I’ll be alright… I’m just tired” “Well, I guess they didnt know, roll the windows up…I need a blast”
Thats the neverending B.S…. Breakfast, Lunch, and Dinner…in between, and like I smoke a pack a day, sometimes 2paks in 25hrs I function on the “rock” Yes, CRACK is my life…or at least my life is crack! I cant imagine functioning without. What I can imagine is functioning my ass, into a nightmare I’ve never had!!!! I’m jeopardising my life and any good in or around it!I want to stay on line, but the reality of this **** is I got to go to bed…something important to accomplish…something early and something I’ve known for a while. Ms.Procrastinator, is pressed for 2day. Still smoking, still dirty, still risking it all for “my boyfriend and his flavor” thats what the glass stem and the ready rock has been named for me. I can barely see or type…please standby for my completion to this entry at a very near but later time!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!August 29, 2012 at 4:40 am#107852AnonymousInactive
Hello 2dayok, welcome to 12 Step National Meetings…:)
o.k well im an addict/acholic…! I was also on ‘crack’ at one point in my life, so i know what your saying that its your life…!
You must go to the Drs first thing when you wake. IM in the U.K so its different over here but im sure that somewhere will see, you.!
You have to really want to stop unless, IT WONT HAPPEN until you are…ready…or in danger…! jails, instituions n death…!
I wish you well tommorow and i hope that you find a program, like NA, SMART,whatever lenghts your perpaered to go for the ‘pipe’…! you also have to go to any lenghts too Recover, sucssessfully…!
Recovery is the same.You have to go to most any lenghts to STOP USEING.
Please let us know how you are doing….:Val004:August 29, 2012 at 7:17 am#107854AnonymousInactive
Well here I still sit. Cant go to bed! Wont go to bed! Knowing I meet with “fate” 2morrow. You know my balance seems to be disturbed…I mean as I walk its as if theres wind racing pass my face, because my ears seem to be stopped up or something… My feet ache… I notice I have callouses… I appear to be a dope addict for I’m always nodding. I am so tired of this “@#@#”****I’m treading in. It’s filled with leaches, and fleas and magets and they just seem to surround me. Whats worse, is that every where I turn its the vultures lerking over me following me and wanting to get at me and the tiny annoying yet still dangerous insects sucking me dry….I need some real people in my life. I can no longer B.S. my way through everything anymore. I’m about to lose. I’m about to jepordise everything. I admit I’m weak, I admit I need someone, I admit that the drug has got me and it dictates my every move. I admit that I am a failure. I admit that I am a non-productive member of society, escaping and evading every adult responsibility I should be thankful I have. I am not worthy of the blessings I recieve. I admit that I am not sure there is a “Higher Being” but I am desperate to believe, because if I, my child, the blessing in my life, nor my mother the foundation the beginning the end the strength, the protector, the believer, the suffer, the supporter, if neither one of us gets me moving, damn Father God, Jesus, Holy Spirit, the Trinity has to be the last but not to fill me with the will, and courage, hope and love and sense of decency to DO THE RIGHT THING.
“This I pray: God I need you to send me an angel, one who has been broken and found the way… One who has been redeemed for quite some time and the possibility of lapsing while trying to be a friend and a supporter is not possible. I need a friend who wont judge, but will be honest, who will motivate, but not intimidate. I need a true no-limit soldier, my God, who I can trust, not one I have to worry about what they want from me or who they desire to run me down too.”
I ask the Lord something specific, I know what I want… I ask, He knows best if indeed I dont need what I asked for then, He wont send it to me. If any of my new extended family knows an Angel like what I described..send me someone. I need to share my burden, I need to ease my troubling mind, I need to get clean and sober… Because this life I am leading is Hell and more so for those who love me than it is hell to me.
somebody, everybody pray for the soul who weeps these words into the 12 Step National Meetings site, and indulges the entire time!!!!!!!!!!!!! do i stand alone in this backwards stupidity? am i to believe that because my urge or my craving wont allow me to put down the pipe, yet, where my wisdom and knowledge stems from(my brain) says it’s time, i am not going to or able to change the direction of my deadend journey for my life?
I feel like I am the worst…you know…cant get right. wow can I get any more honest with this group…. C H A N G E N O W ! ! ! ! ! !August 29, 2012 at 8:30 am#107853AnonymousInactive
If your looking for Angles your in the right place…
12 Step National Meetings has a few…xXx…!
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