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- September 5, 2008 at 10:52 am#34069AnonymousInactive
I am almost 6 years sober and am currently dating someone who is not in recovery and drinks very little. She (yes, I am gay) is really trying to understand recovery and alchoholism — which I am very grateful for. The problem is she is often afraid to suggest going to parties and events that serve alchohol. So much so, that she will usually start with “I know you probably don’t want to go to this work party with me, but …” The truth is I really don’t want to be around drinkers. Up until now, since sober, I have only dated other sober people, however I really like this person. But I don’t want to hold her back from going to things she really wants to go to. I told her she can still go, however she says “Oh I really don’t want to go anyway”. When we first started dating she was kinda freaked out when realization of my sobriety kicked in and she reached out to a woman who was married to a long time member of the program. This woman suggested she read the big book which she is doing. She also told her that she is not responsible for my drinking or non-drinking. I guess why I am stressing is that the lastest incident happened yesterday when a friend of hers asked us to go to a CD release party which would be at a club. She responded “no” and that I didn’t like to hang out in bars. The friend said she didn’t realize that I didn’t go out at all. That kind of angered me because it sounded like I live like a hermit! Reality is yes, I do not like hanging in bars — but I also really hate the kind of music that is for the CD release party — which I told my date she should have told her friend. I guess I just feel like we both are walking on eggshells. She is now worried that I won’t come to this block party her neighborhood has annually and serves alchohol. Truth is, I don’t want to go — I guess I really am not comfortable around drinking much. This is new to me since I have only dated alchoholics. Am I overly sensitive? Does anyone have similar experiences adjusting to dating those no sober?
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