Hi All – I have reached day 49. 49 lovely sober days. I only weakened once and thought about drinking. I was feeling self-destructive, but I managed to put it aside and now I am at happy, hangover-free day 49.

BF isn’t doing well. He’s “good” for a little while and then he’s just a drunk again. Came home from work soused yesterday, stumbling around and being stupid. I slept on the couch and he apologized this morning. “Sorry babe, please come to bed.” He stayed home from work to pack up as we’re moving on Monday. But of course I came home and he had done very little and is passed out as I type these words. There’s a half-empty (not half-full) bottle of red wine in the kitchen. Beer was possibly involved as well.

Now he’s stirring cause he hears me typing. He knows he’s getting to end of my willingness to cope with this, as much as I love him. I should really not move with him on Monday but find an alternative. I have some money – I could do it. It’s so drastic though. I was down this road before with my ex-AH and with myself. I know what I have to do here but it’s hard. Like so many of them, he’s a treat to be around so much of the time but he just can’t sustain.

He’s got the signs of illness – the pepto bottles, the “I can’t eat greasy food now that I’m older” delusion, the vomiting – it’s eating his insides out. He confessed to me that when he drinks hard liquor the night before, his hands shake at work in the morning.

This is so hard.