Tonight while I was working, a dealer and some one I used with, independently of each other, called and texted. Each did both. So I had voicemail and text messages.
This really makes it hard for me.
This last week I have been talking to 12-step people who say there is nothing to do about drug cravings until I do all the steps and have a spiritual awakening. I do not expect to do all that in the next 24 hours. If I really believed them, I would have already called the dealer. (This is just bringing home how heartbreaking these programs have been for me.)
I know that we all have to face this on our own, but I feel completely helpless and without resources at times like this.