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    I sit here a defeated man. I simply cannot stop. I have tryed and tryed and I always end up right back where I started again. Here lately has been the worst for me. I have been slamming well over a 12 pack every single night for months and I know to some this may be nothing but for me I can literally feel it killing me. I have woken up to a wet bed on several occasions, and every single morning and even throughout the day I vomit violently. You can just look at me and tell that I am a drunk. I have been under a tremendous amount of stress lately in fear of being fired or layed off of my job and have been drinking like never before. My co-workers all now know that I am an alcoholic and my reputation has been destroyed. Im also having alot of problems at home. I usually just come home from work, withdrawl myself to my bedroom, and drink until I blackout every single evening. I want to stop but I feel that I cannot. I am fighting not to goto the store right now and im not sure if I will win. I cant stand the cravings. My body is trembling and im literlly fighting back the tears. All I can think about is alcohol. I need help but if I do goto a detox or rehab I will be fired from my job and the way the economy is now this must not happen. Im living paycheck to paycheck and im scared. I dont think I can do it cold turkey this time. I have searched for AA meetings near me and have found a couple of them tonight, I think I might need to go but I am nervous about it.

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