Viewing 15 posts - 1 through 15 (of 94 total)
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  • #31010
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    okay…i’m not a big fan of the 12 steps or AA or NA but at this time in my recovery i’m so mad at the world and have such a huge chip on my shoulder that my thinking is all screwed up.

    i went to a 12 step study group tonight. it just seems so pointless sometimes. i know the part about being connected with people is REALLY important. i can’t isolate, but the steps……i’m not convinced. i know it works for some and i think that is great, but can you kick a drug habit (coke) without NA or 12 steps or a sponsor?

    Can it be done? For instance….is this website enough to do the trick?

    i just don’t know who to believe or what to believe anymore. seriously, i am so bogged down with what is the right way that i’m losing my way.

    sometimes i think all of this is crap. then other times i read that someone has died because of a overdose and then it becomes very serious again.

    the whole thing with god or a higher power…..sometimes i wonder about that and you know in all my life i never thought that i would question that. my goodness….what hope do we have if we don’t have something to cling to?

    perhaps it’s just a personal journey for all of us and what works for one is not uniform for another.

    very confused right now.

    what do you think?

    #161155
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    okay….i’ll reply to my post.

    i don’t know what the hell i’m saying or thinking but i can’t wait around just to see if any one else has an opinion on the subject.

    can you tell i’m crawling up the walls right now?

    love to you all.

    #161183
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    Hi there,

    I understand your frustration. Recovery from addiction isn’t always easy that’s for sure. However, it is possible with or without NA & 12 step groups. There are many options available. I don’t believe in a “one method” fits all because eventhough we may share similiar life experiences, we are all individuals with unique needs.

    Here’s an example:

    When a doctor prescribes penicillin, and it fails to clear up the patients infection, the doctor will then switche to using something else, perhaps streptomycin or Keflex or dicloxicillin. The doctor does not just claim that the reason the penicillin isn’t working is because the patient is immoral, and insist that the patient just take more penicillin and pray more.

    Addiction can ruin people’s lives and it all depends on what they are addicted to. You can be addicted to soda pop, candy, TV, or any-thing that you use or do constantly.

    The only thing that made ME stop using, was that I wanted to stop. It was my own will that gave me the power to change, and because of that my life has greatly improved since taking charge myself as opposed to turning it over and I am and will remain clean.

    In my experience over the last 10 years or so I have seen first hand that there are just as many ways to recover as there are forms of addiction and that more times than not addictions are a result of people searching outside of themselves for something – to avoid or escape from their reality, or to control or numb unpleasant emotions.

    12 Step programs offer a simple way to change by relying on a faith in a higher power, but that source of spiritual strength must come from within and that strength can also be fostered in many ways other than 12 step meetings, such as meditation.

    I’m glad I found strength from within and put some of the practical tools I learned about in rehab to use. But it was ME alone that keeps ME clean. I do the work necessary – primarily not giving into using thoughts. Just becuase I may get them (which I don’t anymore) doesn’t mean I need to act on them.

    I also think all that is required to make lasting changes is the belief that the ability to change is possible, and to find the source of strength inside of yourself to do so, in whatever way works… for You.

    One Step – don’t use.

    Hope this helps.

    #161151
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    I’ll reply but you won’t like it…

    The ONLY way that worked for me was being in a controlled environment for detox and doing AA & NA, meetings, sponsor, God (my HP), WORKING the steps, trusting in that HP-God, cleaning house and helping others, the WHOLE enchilada! Ongoing…..

    Did it take the first time…no. Did it take several times…yes. I had 10 years clean & sober last month!

    That’s all…attraction rather than promotion…my life is a gazillion times better than it used to be and than it EVER has been. I am OK with me MOST of the time.

    #161162
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    The majority of addicts in general, overcome their addictions without the 12-steps. However, there are still tons of people who benefit from the F2F meetings. Just being on 12 Step National Meetings for a couple weeks I’ve heard time and time again the suggestion to attend AA/NA/CA/MA/SA/etc.A.

    My personal make-up does not mesh well with the major tenets of AA. For instance, the surrendering/ the Higher Power/ the lifelong stigma of being an Alcoholic (or w/e vice)/ the lifelong commitment. I chose a different route by working with a therapist.

    Each person is different and must be honest with what will work. Good luck on your path to recovery.

    #161124
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    Hang in there MO, you’ll find a way that fits you, the 12 Steps work very well for some, ok for some others, and not at all for some other, others. What matters most, is people find a way to get and stay clean.

    Some folks in 12 Step programs simply go to meetings and share. Others go to meetings, do some work, and get into working the Steps. (like a step study group)

    Personally, I wouldn’t recommend a step study group as a first time meeting for a newcomer.

    Alot of people get alot of help online, while others use it as an additional tool. Can it be done? Probably. How well it would work as the sole source of recovery would be debatable IMO. Isolating while using is dangerous, and isolating while in recovery isn’t much better, and spending alot of time online does just that-isolates.

    No matter which way you choose, there will likely be bumps as you get started. Try to stay focused and use the Forums for support in the meantime.

    #161103
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    Hmm…
    I am successly using God and AA for my recovery.
    These past 18+ years have been a fantastic journey…:)

    I am not here to coerce or convince anyone..
    I am here to supplement my recovery
    and share my miracle with those interested.

    I am a winner over addiction.

    So Yes….I know AA works quite well.
    :funjump:

    #161181
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    Hey, I have been blogin this week about my experience with the 12 steps and god.

    My first 12 step meeting was a trick. I was high and my ex wife tricked me into this God forsaken place in a back room of a skid row church. I thought we where scoring more dope and I sat down and they begun reading the steps…I said out loud WTF is this place, and looked at her and said, comon lets get high…and walked out.

    A few years later, some trips to jail, some broken hearts and a lot of pain later, I came back to try again. I managed almost 20 days clean. I had placed myself in a detox and they sent me to a clean house to get help. In detox, I meant a girl, started a relationship and made some new friends who all thought recovery was a joke. Truth was, I was homeless and needed a place to sleep and some food to eat.

    but since I was broke, I thought I would try living clean. A couple weeks into it, I had to get an abscessed tooth pulled. They gave me thirty T-3’s for the pain which I took all of that day. Next day, I got a little money..scored and shot up some coke.
    That lasted a few hours, it was around 10pm..I was drinking my last 2 dollars and decided to RoB the bar I was in. I got arrested and sentenced to 18 months.
    In jail, I ran into two people from detox who just got busted as well. Then, after sentencing, I ended up in a prison and bumped into another friend I made in detox.
    He was in for murder, he killed his aunt and uncle over some pills.
    I stayed clean in jail but within hours of my release, I was using again.
    I wasn’t clean in jail, I was just DRY.
    I think that is when I began to see that time did $hit against this disease. I used off and on. I would get 30 days clean then use again. Each time I used, it hurt more then the last. The turning point for me came when I relapsed with a guy who had 90 days clean. I couldn’t imagine 90 days.
    We used hard and I woke up in his home the day after. I had nothing left, no where to live. One bus ticket. No hope.
    I asked him, as we sat there feeling like Crap. I asked…”did stayin clean ever feel this bad”

    He said no…in fact it felt great.
    I went into the bathroom and I cried, dropped to the ground and I prayed for Help. I poured my heart out and I asked for Help like never before…as I dropped words like bombs a powerful feeling of hope came over me. I was picked up and a voice inside said everything is going to be alright. I went from being not able to stop sobbin to pure peace and a feeling of HOPE. Not only that, But I believed it. I wanted it and I believed it could be done.
    I got clean for me, no one trusted me or thought It would work but I stayed clean one day at a time for 5 years after that. I got involved, worked the steps and developed a loving relationship with my Higher Power. I was working the program the best I could,
    Then “BOOM” I derailed again. I got off track. Everything slipped and one day I used again and became worse then ever and almost ended up dead a few more times. Arrested again, involved in some heavy crimes.. It got darker than ever and I couldn’t stop. I thought I could end it and pick up my recovery where I left it but I couldn’t stop using. It wasn’t till I broke down again and asked God for help that I was able to stop the train wreck. I did a lot of damage that round and thought I would be picking up pieces forever…but, little by little and day by day. I got clean and my life was rebuilt better then before.

    I rambled a lot here, but I just wanted to share some of my story with the hopes you might find something in it for yourself. I resisted the program and recovery a lot.
    I told people I was going to find a way to use successfully even if it kills me. Ha, I didn’t even see the irony of it.

    I tell you, it may sound cliche but who I am now and the life I have been blessed with, some days I just cry with such humility and joy. I have a great life and here comes the cliche, I wouldnt trade my worse day clean now for my best day high.
    It’s worth it.
    Give yourself a chance. Find small meetings where people really open up and share.
    The antidote for diseased thinking is honest sharing..

    man I rambled,
    sorry

    The dopeless Hope Fiend

    #161121
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    You know it is the only thing I have to hope in right now Movin…
    I mean left to my own devices I am pretty screwed..
    MY BEST THINKING got me here,,got me in jail..strung out on tar..
    thats what NORTH DOES,,
    it is going to take some kind of support for me to stay clean,,,,and I have to be willing to go get it,,, which meant walking up the big hill to the church tonight and sitting with a bunch of others who know what its like and can TELL me how to do it,,,how to get rid of the craving….i have a idea tonight now what to do,….
    Saved my sorry butt…one more day clean..
    day 5 for me..
    been to a meeting every day and could not do it without..
    that is just where I am at..
    dopeless…thanx for your story..sounds a bit like mine!
    love north

    #161182
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    Hey North, Congrats on one more day clean, at the end of the day it is one sweet ass victory. Embrace it and give thanks.

    Dopeless Hope

    #161139
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    Movin On,

    I can’t tell you what works for others…then again, I could stick my neck out and offer an opinion based on what I think or what I have observed. But, I prefer to offer my own personal experience instead of rumor, hearsay or theory. It always bothers me to hear people offer opinions disguised as facts (but that’s my stuff), so I won’t tell you what the “majority” of addicts do – I don’t know them, nor do I have any proof to back it up. I’ll tell you what I did.

    Does the 12 steps work? They certainly worked for me. They worked for me because I was desperate. You see, I had tried religion, psychiatry and medicine and none of it was effective. Even before that, I tried to do it alone because I believed I was strong enough – I mean, I always thought I was a pretty tough guy and could handle anything. Addiction proved me wrong. Sure…it was MY desire to stop that led me to stop using, BUT I could never STAY STOPPED until I got involved with NA and the 12 steps. Through trial and error I found what works for me and the proof is revealed in the way I live today and the blessings that I’ve received. I got clean on August 24th, 1998 and this past month I celebrated 9 years without a drink or drug. And, yes…my drug of choice was cocaine.

    It has also been my experience to know and meet other addicts who have found alternative methods to/for recovery and some of them have been very successful. So, I am aware that other options are available. I truly believe that it all boils down to how bad you want it and what you’re willing to do to get it.

    I’m not a religious person, so I interpret the “spiritual” aspect of 12 step recovery a bit differently than some – which means my understanding of the “Higher Power” angle is also different. What many folks don’t allow themselves a chance to learn is that even in the 12 step realm there isn’t a “one size fits all” mentality, and thankfully it’s not a requirement. The stigma of being an addict doesn’t concern me because I’ve come to terms with who I am (via self-acceptance) what others think of me isn’t nearly as important as what I think of myself.

    So…yes, the 12 steps work. The program is proven. The REAL question is are you willing to work them? The choice is always yours.

    #161110
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    I’m too stupid to understand them. I always found the 12 steps and all the religious god talk to be kinda like church. I never liked church. I’ve looked into a bit of that SmartRecovery and that ain’t religious and it seems to work for many.

    If the 12 steps work for ya then by all means give it a shot. If not then know there are other very successful programs out there…..and people like me who are do it yourselfers. I prefer doing it myself. I tend to not work well with the general public.

    #161125
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    I have a real hard time with religion, the higher power and all that. But you know what? I go, because it makes me feel safe. The people in my home group are wonderful; they don’t care what I believe; they just want me to keep coming. I always step aside during the Serenity Prayer because I feel uncomfortable. No one mnds. Just having someplace to go, where they are like me makes me me safe and for that one hour a day, I have no fear of using or even wanting to.

    #161149
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    Hi Movin,
    I believe it’s totally normal to be confused at first. It’s some heavy **** you’re talking about here; programs, God, staying clean, it all can be very overwhelming.
    In my opinion:
    Take it easy, slow down. Make priorities.
    First thing get and stay clean.
    Go to a meeting and just sit there. You don’t have to say a word. You can even check out several meetings until you find one that you are comfortable with.
    Don’t worry about God now. Let your God be staying clean at this moment. Your God can be anything but yourself.
    12 step programs saved my life. I am 100% sure that without the programs I would probably be dead now.
    This website is awesome and great help but not enough on its own.
    Give the meetings a try if you’re desperate enough. Good luck

    #161111
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    @ccgirl 1488649 wrote:

    I have a real hard time with religion, the higher power and all that. But you know what? I go, because it makes me feel safe. The people in my home group are wonderful; they don’t care what I believe; they just want me to keep coming. I always step aside during the Serenity Prayer because I feel uncomfortable. No one mnds. Just having someplace to go, where they are like me makes me me safe and for that one hour a day, I have no fear of using or even wanting to.

    I used to do this until the meetings began filling up with people mandated by the courts. A lot of sleeping in meetings, dope being sold after the meetings, etc. Going to meetings became dangerous. I try not to hang around feral peoples.

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