- This topic has 0 replies, 1 voice, and was last updated 4 years ago by Anonymous.
- December 28, 2016 at 4:54 pm#41200AnonymousInactive
I dont really know how I got to this point, I always thought i had “it” under control. As a kid my parents always told me my father was an alcoholic so there was never any alcohol in my house. Then in 9th grade my parents seperate, and that was the breaking point. Living in a house with no rules at night, I started to party. Which i thought was normal for a teenager, but now it seems all too hard to stop. It started with alcohol, plenty of it. Beer, liquor, wine….first only on the weekends then some on the weekdays too. But that turned into literally every weekend. I didnt know what to do if I didnt have a “buzz”. I Never went out and did anything sober, it was always half drunk.
Well as high school years pass I start smoking weed, heavily amounts of it. But that has never really been a big problem, it all went downhill when I found “30s”. Just like alcohol, i started using them on a regular weekend occation, but then it turned into weekdays, everyday. I didnt feel normal without pills. I wake up everyday and my first thought is, “Where can I find more pills?” It is not a fun way to live. I am 23 years old and still live at home. But now in a more structured environment, with my uncle and not my father. I have a great girlfriend who I would love to talk to, but her ex was into pills and thats why they broke up. That is the last thing that I want to happen. I love her more than life itself, but I feel like I’m totally screwing us with my addiction. I never thought that it would get to this point.
Finally on my birthday in Decemeber of this year, I reached my breaking point. In 2008 I was in a 4 wheeler accident that dislocated my hip. Once I finally got insurance through my work in April of this year, I went to a pain management doctor. An easy and cheap way of getting pills. I never thought that I would get a script, but all the doct did was call the hospital and get my MRI from 2 years ago and that was that. It started small with 5 mg oxycodone 3x daily. I would never make it through the entire month. So i asked the doct to up me, and he did to 15’s. Now im taking 4x a day but like before they never last the whole month, barely 2 weeks because I abuse them. Once I run out, I resort to buying whatever my dealers have. Usually about 100-150 mg a day. Im tired of living like this. I’ve read these boards for the past 3 months but never bothered registering. I think of myself as a coward for getting these pills without having any real pain while plenty of you out there are with real problems and trying to get off the same thing I am.
But I’ve had enough. Im tired of lying to my family and my girlfriend, the people that love and support me the most. Im tired of letting people down. And im tired of waking up everyday thinking about pills or needing pills to fall asleep. I’m on day 3 of withdraws, which have been pretty ******. The first night i could not sleep at all, RLS all night. Could not stand it. My girlfriend prolly thinks Im crazy. Last night wasnt too bad, I slept 1-4 then woke up till 7 then tried to sleep till 10.
Im not too sure why i posted, I think I just want something to make me stick to quitting. I want to so bad for myself, and for my family. I stopped everything cold turkey, pills alcohol weed and skoal. I just want to be normal again. Thanks for listening to me ramble on, I know Im a terrible writing as I hated English class in school. But any advice/stories/comments would be appreciated.
God Bless, Glad
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