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    Ever feel like the purpose of your life is basically to serve as a warning to others?

    Addiction, codependency, abuse, loneliness…all of it will get you in the end. And sometimes you will even welcome it when it does.

    Not much else to say. Not the time to feel sorry for myself, play the victim, or ask why. I know why. Because of my own bad choices and decision making and just being a really sick person. I have been given the opportunity to start over more times than I can count, and every time I have let my various addictions get in my way and let down family, friends and myself.

    I appreciate everyone who has supported me, and I’m sorry for those who feel burned. I’ve burned so many people. It’s what I’ve become. I’m selfish. Sure, I talk a good game, but never follow through.

    I’ve given birth to 3 beautiful children who are still young and need to grow, not one of whom is with me now, and there’s a good reason for that. Maybe drinking vodka at 10 in the morning has something to do with it. Maybe exposing them to an abusive environment with an AH who is just as sick as I am. Maybe all of the above and more. I guess it’s good that I have the sense to know they shouldn’t be with me, but it’s not what I had planned on when bringing them into this world.

    I know a lot of people struggle. Many are strong, smart, reach out for what is offered and survive and even give back. I’ve seen it lots of times, and it is beautiful to see. I hope that is the case for each and every one of you. There are some wonderful people here who have made it and who are closer to making it every day.

    I have always loved being here. It just gets harder to justify my own behavior and complain about the same things over and over, waste people’s time and then not even listen to the powerful words shared with me. This place has helped a lot of people, and I know that will continue for a long time. I have a lot of love for you guys.

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