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- July 3, 2016 at 1:18 pm#39694AnonymousInactive
Hi everyone, hope this post finds you all well. Today I am officially sober for 181 days which I still cant find enough words to say thanks for. Before I talk about what’s been on my mind for a while, I wanted to say thanks to all of you. You have ALL been such a big part of my recovery processs and success that I feel like I have gotten to know you all pretty well. I havent been able to post on here for a couple months, but have been reading every day. So, what I mean to say is thanks so much to all of you for your support on my best of days and worst of days and I wish you all the best in your recovery as well.
One of the things I have been constantly thinking about over the past 181 days is putting your faith in your high higher power. Now, i was raised catholic and always felt great about the church and where I was in my life with religion. But, once I got sober it was like everything totally changed and I didnt exactly know what my beliefs were when it came to my higher power.
Flash forward to April. I was getting ready to move back to the east coast for a summer internship for 3 months. This was going to be really tough for me because I was going to be crashing with a family member who drinks-and doesnt get what I am doing. And, I was going to be around freinds and familly with mixed groups who support or pressure me. But, it was an important part of my life as far as moving on and getting back on track. I am 27 and was excited to be making positive strides in my life. But, I was terrified, and that process of just putting everything in the hands of your higher power was hard for me to accept-I was still scared. What if I failed, what if I couldnt hack it and had to pack up and move again. I even came on here to 12 Step National Meetings to ask for all your advice and for that I am very grateful.
Through the past two months I have had horrible tests. My familly drinking all around me, criticizing me and wondering what was wrong with me for not drinking and not going out. On the other hand, I had my best freinds wedding to go to, and bachelor party. I thought that was going to be the hardest but my freinds were the best. They said to me “we love you and just want to hang out with you and if it means us not drinking around you then thats what we will do”. Fortunately, they didnt have to refrain from drinking around me-I told them that situation was for me to get real with. When and if it got tough i would leave. I learned from the Big Book that I cant change or complain about the rest of the world. A positive recovery will allow me the tools to live through life on lifes terms, not mine. Needless to say, I was so happy with my freinds’ support.
Now, through all this I was still terrified. I was constantly asking for help from my higher power. But I still hadnt figured out who my higher power was exactly. I guess what I am writing about in this post is-I finally accepted that I just have to put faith in my higher power AS I UNDERSTAND HIM. And all the rest follows through! I still dont know all the details of my higher power-but I know that he is there for me when I need him and if I give the faith in it-my recovery goes on successfully. I think its ok to not have all the details of a higher power worked out, and its awesome if you have your faith ON YOUR TERMS. Because, you have to live life on life’s terms, and that’s a lot easier to do when your higher power is based on your terms.
You have all told me that recovery gets better as time goes on and that is true. I also beleive that maintenance in working the steps every day is crucial, ESPECIALLY when things are going good and its easy to forget. The past months have been hard, but they have also been some of the most rewarding months of my life as well. I feel I will be going back home in 4 weeks stronger and better than I left.
Thanks to you all, and I would love to hear your feedback on this.
All the best,
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