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    I started addiction counselling a while ago and im pleased to say that i am 41 days off substances (yes i still drink, but please i dont want to hear about drinking atm coz iv made HUGE improvments in that area also but im nowhere near sober). But im lying to myself because i still smoke weed/hash here and there. I used to be a chronic smoker until it began to effect my social anxiety. Now i wouldnt dare smoke it in a situation where i am anxious, only where my anxiety is very mild and when im around true friends who i can trust. My achievement is all a lie. I do not have the motivation to give the smoke up, i enjoy it, but i want to feel a real accomplishment, not a fake one.

    I dont know if i want to give up smoking joints? I cant decide. Last time when i was of substances, i was off them for 63days and i was also off joints, but i never felt any different from the way i feel now; the acomplishment, so on the other hand i think whats the point? Is a bit of a debate for me.

    I have seen some huge improvments towards my attitude with my social anxiety and specific phobia. I always felt defeated by it but i have been working on different mental rehearsal techniques, keeping positive and they are working for me. BUT today im having a bad day. I feel my depression creeping in, however it is late now, when i go to sleep (when i fall asleep) i will awaken tomorrow and do my best not to feel down and try to do everything within my power for this not to happen.

    I honestly dont even know what the reason for making this is and i dont know here to post it either, in substances or mental health, i dont know. I dont know wether im looking for someone to give me praise about the drugs, to tell off, tell me to give the smoke up, state my anxiety step, or simply wanna type…i really dont know, but i im posting it anyway.

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