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    It has been almost a year since I made the decision to start Suboxone.My knees were roached from years of being extremely heavy, and after I got the courage to lose it, the knee pain was still there, which is how I got introduced to painkillers.
    This is the second time since starting Sub that I have taken more than prescribed to combat the pain.I don’t believe I was being an “addict”, this is legitimate pain, and I did not take more than 16mg in any one day, normally I take 8mg.I have to admit that when I have flare ups, the extra sub helps.I finally have decent medical insurance and am going to see a orthopedic doctor this Thursday, and will tell the truth about my history.
    The problem lies with my Suboxone program.I am embarrassed and I have to be honest with my doctor, because I am out of medication two weeks early.I promised myself that I would keep this journey honest because I DO want to recover and heal.I hate opiates and I fear them.I have not used anything other than what I have been prescribed, and for that, I feel really proud.Yet, I am not proud about misusing it.
    My husband is very supportive, and held me as I cried out the tears of shame to him, but he understands.He knows how much my knee bothers me, and is happy at what Suboxone has given me back, he is the greatest, and the support means everything to my recovery.
    I know that recovery is a lifelong journey, and I have never done as well as I have in the past year.I know that this will pass, I just feel like a heel! I don’t like to admit weakness, and being honest about it is really hard for me, but I am making progress.I just had to write out my feelings, in hopes someone would come along and relate.Thanks.

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