- This topic has 8 replies, 9 voices, and was last updated 8 years, 4 months ago by Anonymous.
- August 20, 2012 at 4:06 am#27712AnonymousInactive
I have been in recovery from a demerol addiction for almost 3 years. Its not been a cake walk or anything, and there have been bouts of depression along the way. I was actually diagnosed as a mild form of bi-polar that never seems to get manic. This past thursday 1 week ago, i lost my job, a job i really loved…the cause was simply something called “AT WILL”. I have been sending the resumes out etc…but as soon as they see the drug problem its a no go…..now i am feeling the darkness starting to take over and i am really lost. I dont know how to tell what little family i have and make them understand, and while i have friends who say they understand, how can they. I am seeking help from those who truly may know and understand. Thanks for listenening…..katsAugust 20, 2012 at 4:08 am#106978AnonymousInactive
Welcome to 12 Step National Meetings, you have come to a good place! Please make yourself at home! I recommend the stickies at the tops of the forums and be assured others who do understand will be along soon.August 20, 2012 at 1:51 pm#106977AnonymousInactive
I am sorry about the job kats.
It is understandable and okay that you feel sad about this sudden negative turn in your life. The important thing however is to hang on and don’t give in to any desire you have to use over this. Things always gets better.
No matter how dark things have gotten for me in the past one thing I know for certain is that: I always pulled through…….. I always remember that today whenever I see the storm clouds on the horizon.
You are not alone.August 23, 2012 at 6:11 pm#106983AnonymousInactive
I have no ultimate answers to life problems such as these. But I can assure you that you are not alone. I recently was let go from my job in Florida, broke off an engagement, realized I couldn’t afford to live there on my own, and came home to Pennsylvania where my family is to get my head screwed on straight. I’ve only been here for 3 weeks, and I have been miserable.
My mother is the only person in my family who knows the “details” of my condition right now… but no one except me knows the whole story. I am scared to let anything show on the outside for fear of the consequences. I’ve had several diagnoses, including Generalized Anxiety Disorder, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, Recurring Clinical Depression, and Bipolar NOS (not otherwise specified). Do I have these disorders? Who knows. Have my addictions brought on some of these issues? I have no idea. I left the only psychiatrist I’ve ever known in Florida, and even though I can call her anytime, it’s so difficult to be “on my own.” I don’t know what is going to happen from one day to the next. Am I going to find a way to use drugs and relapse? Am I going to find some other sufficient self-destructive behavior? It’s scary, every day.
I completely understand how you feel about your friends, telling you they know and understand. Those are the words are true friends who want to support you but don’t exactly know how. Even I, who has slightly similar problems to your own, have no idea what is the best path for you to take. I keep hearing that our own individual paths are inside of us, and we just have to listen. That if we allow ourselves to completely heal and become strong on our own, the answers will come. I pray this is true, for all of us.
Hang in there. It’s an unbelievable battle that I’ve only begun myself, but the people we see at 12 Step National Meetings and in those around us, in NA meetings or wherever, have shown us that recovery is possible. With hard work, determination, and complete surrender to our illnesses, we can be helped by those who know how and care about our success. We have to believe that.
Send me a PM anytime. I got a little lost for a month or so, but I am back. The ups and downs of life are so fast I can’t help but get nauseous and puke once in a while. 😉
Take care. My best wishes to you,
Jennifer 🙂August 23, 2012 at 7:30 pm#106982AnonymousInactive
I too had trouble with demerol addiction, as well as any other narcotics available. Several major surgeries in less than a years time. Some of the problem falls in our addictive personalities, however, some of the problem also falls within the medical community itself. Most doctors are not trained in the field of addiction and get little schooling about pain control. So, please make sure your medical doctors understand your situation. Be proactive in your medical care. You have to look out for YOU!
As for the job………..it is devastating and disappointing when you loose a job. My sponsor (who pulls no punches) put it best when she told me, “You left no stone unturned looking for your drugs. Perhaps you need to put that energy and creativity into finding another job.” Pretty well pissed me off at the time, but she certainly did have a point.
Please surround yourself with others in recovery. People will help you. And, at some point, your family will come around in the healing process.
As Temlin has so wisely said, it is an “unbelievable battle”! But it does and will get better, so please keep your chin up!
REMEMBER: Meeting makers, make it!
MackieAugust 25, 2012 at 8:10 am#106980AnonymousInactive
Kats, how are you doing today?
while i have friends who say they understand, how can they.
I have learned that many of my friends can’t understand, however they can give me a shoulder to lean on and a hug when I feel down. I get together with others who have gone through addiction in my program.August 26, 2012 at 1:22 am#106979AnonymousInactive
I am not much help right now, but I just want you to tell you what everyone tells me. There will be brighter days! Maybe there is some reason we have to endure the crap and feel lost in a dark world. But we have to see a light at the end of the tunnel, no matter how long it takes!
Hang in there and know you are loved!
SnowAugust 26, 2012 at 4:22 am#106984AnonymousInactive
Please keep trying to focus on positive thoughts and doing things that are positive for you.
I don’t understand why you need to put on your resume that you had a drug problem, Personally I don’t think it’s their business!
I could be way off base but I would delete it!
Please know that there are people who care, even if we don’t say “I understand” because as you say how could we, just don’t confuse it with we don’t care….
ccrewAugust 26, 2012 at 4:45 am#106981AnonymousInactive
I know the feelings you’re experiencing all too well. I experience them also. I too was diagnosed with bi-polar, seemingly because of my cocaine addiction. I think that it made the depression I was already suffering from before I started using cocaine only become more severe. Things do get better with time though. Just try to keep thinking positive about things and about your life. Just stick with it and know that there are lots of people who do love you.
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