Search for Addiction Treatment Centers Near You Forums Substance Abuse first meeting, confused, doubtful, scared

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    I went to my first NA meeting tonight. I have been progressively been quitting drugs for a few years now. Two years clean of pot, 3 of coke and pills, etc and just recently quit drinking.

    I thought for the longest time that if I quit my DOC (pot) that everything was good! and for a long time things were ok, but I reached a point where I realized my drinking was increasing and my old feelings from using were coming back. Now I’m roughly 4 months completely sober but feel worse then I ever have in years! I lost my girlfriend due to my addiction, which seems to still be in effect even though I’m not using. I spent our entire vacation in Cuba wanting to join in the drinking and got progressively more miserable. Fast forward a few days after vacation and she breaks up with me. Says I need to grow up, that I’m unavailable emotionally, selfish, etc.

    Now I’m trying to get into some therapy of some sort, go to meetings, the things I havn’t tried before because I need to learn or change so I can be a normal, healthy human being!

    However, I have really bad social anxiety on top of my addiction so in turn I have no friends, and am scared to death of being around people. I did make it to a meeting today, with my Mom 🙁 but I feel like I’ll never be able to share or fit in. Nobody really reached out to me or gave me their number.

    I went home and cried my eyes out for a hour, feeling suicidal. Like maybe I’m just too broken, one of those addicts that there are no hope for.

    I just need some support, or hope…I know this would all be a lot easier if I wasn’t so damn scared of people!

    Thanks for listening.

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