- This topic has 19 replies, 11 voices, and was last updated 7 years, 3 months ago by Anonymous.
- September 26, 2013 at 12:42 am#31081AnonymousInactive
Well I made it to my first meeting this evening, was a bit late but was made very welcome. I could not find the exact location.
Did I find it useful? I guess I did, some people said things I really connected with and others said things that I did not understand at all.
I got told about the 90 meetings in 90 days and will do my best to get to as many meetings as possible. My only concern is that means a fair bit of travel for me and time away in the evening from my partner. She looked at me like I had two heads when I told her about this suggestion.
The thing is its hard for a non-alcoholic to understand how difficult it can be not to have that first drink. The crazy part is only a few weeks ago she and I heard the Doctor giving me a death sentence if I continue to drink, now she is upset that I may have to go to a lot of meetings………
I know that she is being slightly selfish and I can understand why, I have to do this for myself first and foremost and secondly for her.
She has noticed a big difference in my character since I stopped drinking which helps us all round.
The main thing is I am not drinking and trying to seek help to achieve sobriety and that is MY main objective.
DaveSeptember 26, 2013 at 1:15 am#163673AnonymousInactive
One approach regarding 90 meetings in 90 days would be to explain to her that 90 hours in 3 months is a lot less time than what you spent drunk in 3 months. Just a different perspective on it. For me 90 hours was about what I spent drunk in a week. So 90 hours in 3 months was nothing to me.
But the benefit of going to the meetings has had a lasting effect on me. I am grateful I followed the suggestions.September 26, 2013 at 1:15 am#163672AnonymousInactive
My wife knows that the best she is going to get is to be #3 in my life. And she accepts that, but then again she’s going to Alanon. One of the first things my sponsor asked me was,” Are you willing to go to any lengths to get sober?” What lengths were you willing to go to to drink? Were you willing to drive long distances, be separated from your partner for periods of time, spend countless hours in the bottle or the bar? The point is that if you get involved in AA you will find yourself spending a lot of time with other alcoholics, and this is where recovery can happen and will happen IF you follow suggestions. If you don’t have a Big Book, get one and read the first 164 pages including The Doctor’s Opinion. Your partner can read the chapter To The Wives. Go to a meeting a day for 90 days. By then you will know why. Get a sponsor as soon as possible, even if it’s a temporary sponsor. Get a schedule of the meetings and a phone list of members. If you like the meeting, you might consider becoming a member of that group. The fellowship opens up once you become a member of a home group. I know it sounds like a lot to do, and you may be thinking….sounds drastic, do I really need to do all of this? Well, you said you were given a death sentence. That is a true statement for all of us who are real alcoholics. To drink is to die. Thank God, there is a solution.September 26, 2013 at 1:16 am#163660AnonymousInactive
While the 90 & 90 is a good idea
it’s not AA based.
The concept came from treatment centers
when behaviorist deemed it takes 3
months to form a positive habit.
Soooo…go as often as you can and
tell members who insist to show you that
in our AA basic text. That is the first
164 pages of our book… Alcoholics Anonymous.
I don’t have experience to share on partners + sobriety
but I see some bring their partners to open meetings.
I think it’s good to have them see what is going on…
but not if it makes one hesitate to share.
I’m so proud of you for going Dave
it’s a grand start for your healthy new life.
🙂September 26, 2013 at 1:50 am#163674AnonymousInactive
Thanks for the replies.
BP44 I understand totally where you are coming from, thanks.
I have a question, I take it people go to whatever meetings are in their area as and when they need them (or for 90 days in my case) and then maybe join one group that say has one or two meetings a week?
Carol, thanks for your support 🙂
DaveSeptember 26, 2013 at 2:16 am#163661AnonymousInactive
My home group has 19 meetings a week
Noon…..6 and 8 p.m.
I attend 4 on a n reglar week.
That keeps me growing and in balance.
I also consider my 12 Step National Meetings membership/service work
a vital supplement to my program.
🙂 Y’all keep me busy. Thanks!
Forward we go…side by sideSeptember 26, 2013 at 3:05 am#163675AnonymousInactive
It must be because I do not live in a major city. Most small towns around me have one to 2 meetings per week which means I will have to drive from town to town on a given day to get to a meeting.
The closest city to me is a half hour away and whilst it does have meetings everyday to choose from there are not all the same group.September 26, 2013 at 3:55 am#163662AnonymousInactive
I see what you mean….the nearest city to me is Atlanta
My little town has the most meetings within 25 miles.
Do you work in the city?
Perhaps a noon meeting there would be possible?
When I got sober in Washington, D.C. I went to 7 a.m.
before work and that was great….:)
This will all work out I am certain
Double HugsSeptember 26, 2013 at 4:04 am#163667AnonymousInactive
Hi SoberScot –
Congrats on making the meeting –
about the 90/90 thing – someone put it to me this way when I first came to AA.
“Put as much time and effort into your recovery … as you did into your drinking.”
That was enough for me.September 26, 2013 at 5:42 am#163665AnonymousInactive
I was told pretty much the same as Barb above. I was asked how much time I spent drinking per day and then compare this to how much time per day I would be spending in meetings …
Keep going to as many meetings as you can to start, you’ll soon see and hear what the benefits are of putting recovery first. (ie meetings, work with sponsor, big book study)
I can relate to what the doctor told you, I was told pretty much the same thing too. Today, life is so different that what it was then.
JCSeptember 26, 2013 at 9:39 am#163669AnonymousInactive
Dave glad to hear that first meeting went well. Please keep in mind that meetings have distinct personalities, some of them will match up with what you like/need, some will not.
You will hear this a lot in the rooms and it is very important to keep in mind when you hear some one say something, “Take what you want and leave the rest!” What I needed early in sobriety was in some cases different from what I need today and may be different then what I need tomorrow.
Another thing to keep in mind is just because some one has 20 years sober does not make them some kind of expert in sobriety or AA, some folks no matter how many years they have sober are damn near as sick as the day they walked into the rooms, but they have stayed sober so they do have something. Other folks who may only have a few months or years have great sobriety/serenity.
Okay you had a question on a home group, a home group is something you choose and you can change any time you wish. After you have been to a meeting 2 or 3 times & you decide you like it then that becomes your home group, some meetings have a list of first names & sometimes even phone numbers of home group memebers, some don’t.
Keep in mind there is only one rule in AA and that is there are no rules!! LOL
As BP44 suggested get a temporary sponsor fairly quickly, a temporary sponsor should answer questions you may have about meetings and the program, they should also give you a bit of initial guidance on AA in general and what to look for in a primary sponsor.
Sobriety is a journey in life and not a destination, and I can tell you the journey is a fantastic one that working the steps with a sponsor will make far easier and happier.
Another thing you will hear is “Keep coming back, the miracle will happen.”September 26, 2013 at 9:43 am#163666AnonymousInactive
Congratulations Dave! Getting past the hurdle of actually going to a meeting can be tough. I was scared out of my mind about it before I actually walked in the door and sat down. I don’t exactly know what I thought was going to happen. I’m glad you had a good first experience.
90 meetings in 90 days is great but 90 meetings in 180 days will also work, as will 90 meetings in 270 days… if you don’t drink and do other things to support your recovery in between. For the long term, the best thing I can suggest is to find two or three meetings that you can be sure to make every week and then be sure to make them every week. For these meetings, you don’t schedule your recovery around your life, you schedule your life around your recovery. If your home group meets on Monday night at 8pm, you know where you will be at 8pm on Monday night this week and next month. Obviously life happens and things will come up where you have to miss a meeting, but if you develop a habit and an attachment to the people at a particular meeting, you find that you actually miss the meeting when you have to miss it. This is also good for the close people in your life as they will know the days when you will absolutely be at a meeting and can plan around it too.
Easy Does It and One Day at a Time and all that. Don’t get caught up in the trap of looking too far forward. You have no idea what you’ll be like in a year if you do what it takes to stay in recovery today.September 26, 2013 at 10:56 am#163668AnonymousInactive
In my town, there’s several meetings per day – seven days a week. so I did something ridiculous like 130 meetings in 90 … but I was last stage … goin for broke cuz I was completely … broken… when I came back to AA.
I don’t ever want to forget that.
There’s so much that can be done during the time of a meeting! You can read, learn to meditate- listen to speaker tapes, watch DVD’s on recovery, read more about recovery … read the BB … so step work – man. this is NOT an IDLE program.
you tend to hit the ground with both feet running in AA.
go to meetings – and don’t drink in between!September 26, 2013 at 1:41 pm#163671AnonymousInactive
You are on the right path…
Keep posting, we are here for you..September 26, 2013 at 3:29 pm#163676AnonymousInactive
Thanks to everyone for their thoughts and wisdom :c031:
I have another meeting tonight. I told my partner that I will be doing my very best to get to as many meetings as possible.
She is not an Alcoholic so it is difficult for her to understand how much work is going to be required for my recovery and to maintain my sobriety. Of course she has been on the receiving end of my problem so I only have to ask her is she wants the “old” guy back and of course she says “no way”
It has been a hard thing to accept that I am an alcoholic and that I am powerless over alcohol. Admitting it to myself has been hard, even harder admitting it to others.
My partner was under the impression that maybe I could get better and maybe I was not a “true” alcoholic.
I told her that if thats what she thought and I subscribed to those thoughts also we had better make an appointment with the undertaker to discuss the forthcoming arrangements……
I put it like this to her,
I am better inside AA and at a meeting pretending I am an alcoholic than outside pretending I am not………
I heard another member state that last night and its kinda stuck.
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