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- October 2, 2015 at 5:54 pm#37564AnonymousInactiveTHE SECRET VOICE OF THE DISEASE OF ADDICTION
THE PERSPECTIVE OF A 12-STEPPER
The following secrets I do not want you to know or hear.
The Narcotics Anonymous Basic Text says, “Addiction is such a cunning enemy of life.”
The Alcoholics Anonymous Big Book states, I am “cunning, baffling and powerful.” The dictionary defines:
Cunning: shrewdly deceptive, exhibiting ingenuity, marked by inventive skill, bright, nimble, ingenious, delicately pleasing, cute, skill in deception, guile
Baffling: to frustrate, stymie, to block or hinder, to stump, retard or obstruct the progress of, a barrier designed to check or regulate the flow
Powerful: the ability or specific capacity to perform or act effectively; powers of concentration, strength or force, might, capacity to exercise control, authority, having influence or control over
I, the Disease of Addiction, talks to you using your own voice…a voice you know and trust. However, I lie to you. I tell you it is okay just this one time. It is okay to go to people, places & things. You will not pickup. You do not need to go to a meeting. You do not need to work the 12-Steps. You will not get caught…this one time.
Knowledge of my voice will allow you to know when I, The Disease of Addiction, am working. To recognize when I, The Disease of Addiction, is working you is one one ingredient that will keep you clean and sober. There are other ingredients to this recipe. For instance, behaviors, how you feel about yourself, how you feel about your Higher Power, how you work the 12-Step program, honesty and isolation.
Meetings: When you do not want to go, it is I, The Disease of Addiction, at work. When your mind wanders at a meeting or, when you look to see who just walked into the meeting or, when you cross talk, it is I, The Disease of Addiction at work. When you take others’ inventory or, when you go outside to smoke during the meeting, it is I, The Disease of Addiction at work. You see, when you go to a meeting I, The Disease of Addiction tries to put cotton in your ears and sing “lalalalal.”
I, The Disease of Addiction loves drama, chaos, gossip, putting others down, little snide remarks about others, any negative thoughts inside and outside of your hula-hoop. You see, I, The Disease of Addiction works to hinder you in dealing with the issues you used drugs or alcohol to numb. If I can keep you out of self, you can stay sick and I, The Disease of Addiction will win. I, The Disease of Addiction does not care about the children, family, prison or death. I only care about the next drug…any drug…at any cost.
I, The Disease of Addiction loves to manifest in mental obsessive-compulsive behavior that has nothing to do with drugs. If I, The Disease of Addiction can keep you outside of yourself, I will have a chance to win. Anything you obsessively, compulsively seek, I, The Disease of Addiction knows there is a chance for me to win. For example, men, women, gambling, yard sales, shopping, porn and other actions. I, The Disease of Addiction loves compulsion, because it is irrational impulse to contine using no matter what the result.
When you have low self-esteem, I, The Disease of Addiction am in control. When you put off working the 12-Steps or say, I can’t do this, I want to leave treatment, and other negative self-talk, I, The Disease of Addiction am at work. When you do not work on your issues, you leave fertile ground for I, The Disease of Addiction to take root and grow.
I, The Disease of Addiction hates honesty; you cannot recover without the ability to be honest. To tell the truth is a brave act. You must be honest with self and others; to admit your faults and ask for help. Honesty sharing will dispel your fears. When you stop being dishonest you can stop hiding and are no longer be afraid of being found out. “An addict alone is in bad company”…to be in your head is not a safe place to be. I, The Disease of Addiction do my best work when you isolate. I, The Disease of Addiction hates the saying, “never alone, never again” (NA)…it makes my job harder.
I, The Disease of Addiction hates your Higher Power…a kind and forgiving, loving Higher Power. A Higher Power who allows you to begin recovery. When you do not give it to your Higher Power I, The Disease of Addiction will get a grip and have a greater chance of maintaining a stranglehold. When you future trip and worry about anything that tomorrow might bring, I, The Disease of Addiction will take hold. You must trust the process…and your Higher Power.
I, The Disease of Addiction have taken many back to prison, to loosing everything or to death.
However, I, The Disease of Addiction will never tell you these secrets…because I lie to you.
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