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    I’ve never been one for keeping them, i always HATED writing them I just couldn’t get to grips with writing it but I was seeing a therapist at the time and she insisted it was a good idea so i went ahead with it. These journals were dated January 2007, to put it on context I was being treated for an eating disorder at the time so these journals centered around that but also mentioned alcohol abuse. At the time of writing them 3 years ago now I sound absoloutely broken and in a hopeless situation and its absoloutely gut wrenching to see that to be honest i’ve not come to far forward in my life since then. My life has moved on and theres been achievements in University and work etc and overcoming an ED (im now 3 stone heavier than at the time of writing) but for some reason or another ive continued to drink at bad levels.

    In the period of 2008-2010 ive binged between abistenence periods to blackout levels nearly 100% of the time. These blackouts are astonishingly bad, my friends descirbe me as being normal then going to a zombie like state in almost seconds. I came back here a few months ago and was doing well (got to 6 weeks) then i had a 1 night binge and am now back on the wagon (1 week). I’ve lost to the fight so say THIS TIME ITS FOR GOOD! because ive honestly said this about 6,000 times over the last 3 years when drinking has become a real problem. My headand concentration have become f*cked to the point where i cant even read a sentence, i dont know if it’ll even get better this time, however im not throwing the towel because you can never stop trying to repair yourself.

    If anyone read that in full thank you, the reason I post it here is because I don’t have friends to open up to at the moment I had to move away for work and it’s bringing me down terribly, i seem to live with a sense of undirected anger of fury like proportions and im hoping getting some of this out may help.

    Thank you


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