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    This will be my third sober Christmas this year and I decided to approach things differently this year.

    I was only sober a month the first Christmas and it was just kind of a blur that passed by. I really thought everything in my life would be fixed in just a few more months.

    By the second Christmas last year I was finally aware of most of the damage done during my drinking years. I was determined to fix everything during the holidays and make up for the past. I went so far as to spend days on my daughters Christmas cards carefully hand picking them to relate to positive things in their individual lives. I prepared the text for each card in Word and studied it for days trying to find the perfect words to make things right. I sent really cute pictures of them growing up……..I waited anxiously for the phone to ring that never rang. I almost self destructed.

    This year I decided to go easy on myself realizing that just getting through the holidays is good enough. I sent all my daughters the same card this year with simple “I love you Merry Christmas” on them. I don’t expect the phone to ring this year and that is ok because that is the way it will be.

    But I am starting to feel like I did last year again.

    I went to a meeting a few days ago and a guy shared about how he is responsible for his own feelings and that he starts each day thinking of what’s good today and that he would have a nice day. I realized I was thinking of everything that was wrong and that my day would be miserable and achieving it.

    Although I had learned this in the program and helped others with acceptance I forgot to apply it to myself.

    I have begun to start each day and asking for help. It is helping.

    Holiday are not easy for so many, don’t forget what’s good today.

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