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    I am on day 28 of sobriety. June 13 will be day 30 for me. But I am going nuts. I was doing really, really well and thinking this was going to be an easy ride for me. I was focusing on me, feeling great about myself, starting to garden and socialize again, etc. I even went back to school, which I currently think I am insane for deciding to do while I am going through recovery. All of the sudden things got all unexpectedly dramatic in my relationship and my best friendship–mainly because there has been a shift in the amount of attention I am giving them versus the amount I am giving me. Truthfully, I will be a better friend and partner once I have stablized a bit more, as well as being happier for myself. I am just emotionally shaken up and have this stupid tendency to self-sabatoge all of my relationships by freaking out and being dramatic and not being able to have fun once I get even minorly worried about anything. I am really scared because I need to focus on me, but I don’t want the people I love to drift away from me in the meantime. I feel like I just had a co-dependency relapse or something, and all I have wanted to do all day is smoke a bowl. I don’t understand how four days ago I was feeling so serene. Argh! Thanks for letting me vent.


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