Search for Addiction Treatment Centers Near You Forums Substance Abuse Had enough of the little yellow pills. Day 4 of CT

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    Sorry so long… but a little context

    So here it goes…. I started using opiates about 5 years ago by prescription for a bad back. After about 3 or 4 months of refills (30permonth -7.5 vicoprophen) my primary physician sent me for an MRI and gave me a referral to a local PM clinic. At first, and for quite a while, all was going “pretty well” the pain from my bulging L4-L5 disc’s was mostly under control as long as I took it easy and didn’t do anything stupid. Well as time went on the medication started helping less and less. At first there was a good “buzz” the same that just about everyone get’s on these things but of course that soon ended and the pain remained. Over the course of about 3 years I had multiple epidural injections, e-stem (electrical thingamajig) and a some rehab. Being only 34 (when all this started) surgery wasn’t really an option. At first the injections got rid of most of the pain but it certainly didn’t keep me from taking my medication which had been titrated up to 5-10/325 Norco’s per day(150 per month). This went on for quite a while(3 yrs) until I started realizing that my PM Dr. seemed to be treating all of his patients like cattle. It would go like this: Make appointment, pay co-pay, see nurse, doc comes in for 22 seconds, write script, send home. refill 3 times and repeat.

    On my last visit to PM 1 he told me that he was not getting paid for “treating” me (even though my insurance pays 100%) and that he was writing me my last script ( for 30 pills- down from 150) until I could get my account paid up (for some reason there was an outstanding balance that wasn’t paid when my employer changed carriers). Anyway I was FURIOUS!!! I then asked my Primary to refer me to another clinic because it became obvious to me that the PM was more interested in the money my insurance was paying that actually helping me (other than masking the problem)

    phase II

    New PM, nice guy, asked lot’s of questions seemed like he really wanted to get at the root of the problem. BUT he would NOT prescribe the pain med’s at the rate that PM1 was. over night he cut me back to 90 per month or 3 a day. I tried to follow his orders but the pain and cravings were TOO MUCH. I called and told them my issues and he prescribed some clonodine to help me “taper” down to 3 per day. Well….. that did not work. I kept taking them at the previous level (and many times more) and like just about everyone here, the script did not last near long enough. Unfortunately, an acquaintance of mine had some that he would “sell” me. I told my self “just this once” until I could get down to the prescribed level. uhhhhhh NOPE! kept on buying to make up the shortage and managed to get myself up to 6-8 10/325’s per day. YIKES! can you say slippery slope?

    well last Thursday May, 13 2010, I said I’M DONE! I have 2 children under the age of three, a great wife, great job and I’m not going to screw this up. I was SO TIRED of taking pills, and getting no relief that I decided if I was going to be in pain, I might as well be clean and in pain. so I just QUIT! Thursday at 9pm I took my last pills. The first night wasn’t too bad, the next day was worse, the next night AWFUL, day after that I was surprised at how bad I didn’t feel(during the day) still can’t sleep for ****, toss and turn for hours at a time, lucky to sleep maybe 2-3 hours per night since last Thurs. RLS is the worst and the anxiety is certainly not fun.

    What really got me was when My 2 1/2 year old daughter climbed up in my lap and asked me why I felt so bad, I told her “I’ll tell you about it someday but I’m doing something for YOU your brother, and MOMMY”. Of course she didn’t understand (she knows daddy has a bad back) but she just smiled said thank you and gave me a big kiss. That’s all I needed to push on…

    Wish me luck I’m on my 4th full day now so I feel like the worst of it should end soon.

    Thank God in heaven for really really hot showers. The BIG question occupying my mind now is how am I going to deal with my actual chronic pain problem WITHOUT medication. guess I’ll just learn to DEAL WITH IT! 😀

    thanks for listening.. this place has been a great source of inspiration

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