I know I have a problem. I am tired of the shame and guilt and self-hate. I know I never want to drink again.

One of the obstacles I think I’m going to have with this is that I’ve been drinking for fun, to relax, to celebrate things ever since I was 16… and I’m 31 now. I realize that when I think about any really fun time I’ve ever had, I’ve been drinking. When I imagine having fun doing anything, I imagine drinking while doing it. When I look at people who I admire and I wonder what they do for fun… I even imagine them drinking (although less than I drink for sure).

How does one get past this? I think this is going to be my biggest challenge. I think I can be strong through hard times and sad times. I never really drank to escape difficulties or anything. But I’m going to have a big problem with the happy times. It seems that’s when my guard is the most down. That “trigger” people talk about seems to hit me when I get really happy.

When I drink I get even happier and more carefree. I love everyone. The world is a great place. Then I keep drinking and keep drinking and I blackout. Next day I find out all the stupid embarrassing things I did and I’m ashamed.

Do I never feel that happy again? Do I learn how to have fun without drinking?

I think it’s worth giving up the highs to prevent the lows… but I’m so worried that if I quit drinking for awhile, I will forget how bad the lows are and start to crave the happiness again.

What do ya’ll do to overcome this?