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    Hi all. I have been lurking on here for a couple of months. So yeah, I am an alcoholic 28 year old female. I have known for a few years now that I drink way too much, but I always said I would quit by 27 or 28. haha, WAAAY easier said than done!
    I sometimes wish I would get a DUI or something to fully wake me up. But I am always a “happy drunk”, don’t drink and drive, hold a job, and my relationship with my soon to be husband is great. But my soul is truly, deeply tortured. I am terrified of what I am doing to my body. My friends all think its is “cute” that I can drink any man under the table. I am so sick of it.
    I honestly cannot believe how much I can drink. Its scary.
    About a year ago I went to my first AA meeting. Decided, I am not that bad and went on drinking. Last August, I tried again, but mostly on my own. I thought I had it under control and after about 3 weeks went back to drinking in moderation. I felt great. But slowly and surly, moderation became every nigh and blacked out.
    I went a week without drinking at the beginning of May and felt effing fabulous! No shakes, no anxiety, money in my bank! But the weekend came and I did not feel like explaining to my friends why I was not drinking so I pretty much made no effort and proceeded to drink a lot.

    I have come to a realization tho in the last few days. Not once have I truly committed to quitting.For one, I still want to even tho I don’t. I simply have more fun when I am drunk. And two, I don’t want to set up myself for failure. I have seen so many times people say they have quit only to find them wasted at the bar later that week. But by not fully quitting, I have automatically given myself permission to drink.

    Anyway, I know this stupid story has been told a million times but its still a part of me. I think I can do this. I hope I can. My plan is to quit, quit, freaking quit on Monday. I am going to give the AA thing a real try and do the steps and really just do it.

    Any words, thoughts, advice is welcome. I like it here.

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