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  • #40988
    Anonymous
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    My question is complicated to me. It is Am I an addict? of course I know no one can tell me that, but I’m finding it to be a hard thing figure out. I guess I am comparing myself to people that really are so into the addiction and people that have used and used and lost a lot.

    Im very unsure of myself and lack self esteem because I am embarrassed to ask any questions as people might just think Im looking for a problem.

    I was in AA half-heartdly many years ago and stayed sober for about 4 years. It wasnt very hard for me. I was also self concious then as my problems only seemed minute compared to the other people there. I just seemed like a typical kid (22) who was getting wild drinking and doing drugs here and there.
    fast forward got married while sober to a sober person. (also recovering) in between had a child… when she was almost a year found out husband was a sex addict… worked through a lot of it. My life turned upside down. a lot happened in between but lets just say His addiction changed to drugs and continues to be…
    I got back together with him knowing that he was doing pills (oxy roxy ritilan) etc. he was seeing a dr and sporadicly clean using suboxine. While we were apart I did play around with pills pks, extacy mushrooms and was abusing ritilan (helped me with school)and the likes plus klonipin for a couple years.
    anyway…here i am now. I don’t know how long ‘Ive been using. It started out id take one here and there and sometimes for period pain or back ache whatever. Mostly roxy the blue ones. started out swallowing them and pretending I didnt like them so much. Id say ive been ingesting them sporaticly for about a year. over the past few months I took more and would take it for many more ailments (manipulating husband) and feeling cravings.

    honestly I dont know for how long and have taken oxy roxy vicodin perc, whatever I could get without making a fuss. now over the past I dont know, few months have been taking blue roxys a few times a week snorting them feeling great and wanting to continue. Im only taking like 2-3 which is like 90 mgs but i love them. embarrassed but obsess over it and stoped for a few days and got withdrawl. now i keep starting and stopping. My husband gave me some suboxine and it helps sometimes but I guess i just wanna quit cold turkey. Im really wondering if its possible that i am addicted from such little use. It may be even less than im mentioning cause i dont even remember. I feel like a poser showing up at na meetings and my hub although still using refuses to get me more. i dont know where to turn. I feel so lost and that i am making something outta nothing.
    i am so sorry for the incoherent message but im filled with feelings and have no one to talk to about it. my husband and his friend are the only ones who know and are in active addiction. please someone try to get back to me.

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