- This topic has 0 replies, 1 voice, and was last updated 11 years, 8 months ago by Anonymous.
- September 14, 2008 at 5:29 am#34149AnonymousInactive
I’m new here; so just so everyone knows heres my story in short.
I started out with percs, moved onto oxy’s… then I swore I would never try heroin…but one night I was studying for finals for college and about to cry because I couldn’t concentrate and had procrastinated and felt like I was going to fail, which anything below a B to me is failing, and I was scared my 3.5 gpa would drop (I’m a sec. ed. major so I HAVE to graduate with a 3.0 but this is going off topic). Since then we (me and my boyfriend of 4 yrs, he used backed in high school, occasionally) started getting once a week and truly at that time it was recreational. Then he got laid off, and I was out of college for the summer.. he got unemployment checks and I am a waitress so worked 3-4 nights a week. We had way toooo much time, and nothing to do since we live in such a small town. We started getting oxy’s a few times a week since my good friends boyfriends dad (ha, sorry.. confusing) could get them. They were too expensive, and since I already did dope and it was cheaper.. started getting that. Dope in our town is easier to get than an 8th of weed, and the source we get it from is cheap as hell, $60 a bundle.
Well now it’s been on and off for the past 2 years. Me and my boyfriend got really bad and did probably a bundle to ourselves every/every other day. Then I gave him an ultimatum dope or me. He chose me and we were both sober for 20-30 days… and since then haven’t gotten to the point we were, but we get probably 1-2x a week. I was clean for the past 8 days… and as I type this just snorted two bags. I was mentally craving it soo bad yesterday, and he asked me if I wanted to go up tonight. It’s a battle in my head. I feel so guilty typing in a recovery forum after just buying a bundle, and on it right now.
I want to slowly stop as I have been, otherwise I feel I will relapse and be as bad as before. I don’t blame my boyfriend for offering it to me, but I feel we are each others own worst enemies. But if we are strong together, and support each other when we are tempted can be stronger in the end. The first 2 years in our relationship we didn’t use (he did maybe once a month, if that… which I didn’t know until I started doing it.) I can NOT leave him, he is my backbone, and I’m his. If I were… I think both of us would spiral a deep hole of depression. We know we are addicts, and slowly stopping. I mean it’s a start, but I want our relationship back to before the devil was ever involved.
I want to start going to NA meetings, but feel to be 100% honest me and my boyfriend should go to separate meetings, does anyone have any insight on this? :confused:
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