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- September 1, 2015 at 4:12 pm#37293AnonymousInactive
I’m not sure if this is the right sub-forum and someone can move this if needed. I think it would help me to type all this crap out.
I’m 30, I’m now 100% sure I have a problem (got 10 years of denial under my belt) :c004:, and I know that I will never be able to socially drink.
For about 5 years (From when I was 22 to 27) I drank every single day. 12 pack of beer everyday was the norm with more on the weekends. I have cut down a lot since then, but it took me hitting a bottom to do that. I have wrecked my old car 3 times and SHOULD have gotten about 4 DUIs but I somehow got out of each one without getting arrested. At 21 I watched my father, who according to my mother had been an alcoholic since he was 15 die a slow aganozing death from liver failure at 47. I don’t have a memory of him without a beer and after he and my mom divorced he went to vodka as many do and that was the end of him. You’d think that would be enough to stop .. but here I am, almost 10 years later. Both sides of my family have problems with alcohol. My dad especially did (though he was an all around great guy – never abusive – and I still miss him a lot).
What I have been doing the past couple of years is having 3 or 4 beers everyday and drinking beer until I can’t walk on the weekends. I usually don’t have a single beer (well, maybe one) on Sundays and I’m extremely hung over the whole day. Sometimes well in to Monday as well. I am pretty sure now that this is from some form of light or moderate withdrawal instead of just a hangover. Monday morning I usually wake up covered in sweat and then go to work, doing as little work as possible.
What really got me thinking about this was a friend of a friend died at 30 from liver failure. Granted, she drank like a fish, but still, that’s awful. I know if I drink like I do now I won’t die this year. I probably won’t die 5 years from now either. But I will eventually and it will be too soon… just like my dad. I promised myself that on my 30th birthday I would quit for good. Well, that was a few months ago… so here I am.
I live in Oklahoma City and I really wish there was a secular recovery group around here but there isn’t (that I can find anyways). I’m going to start going to AA meetings. I haven’t had a drop since Sunday morning. Wish me luck… gonna stick with it this time.
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