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    today is the day i have been trying to avoid for the last 3 months…

    I had a client, that could not use paypal, and insisted on sending me a large lump sum of money via western union. I couldn’t take the dude out of it lol. I knew he was going to send it last night. last night my mind was kinda racing. that’s a BIG time trigger for me. Woke up, sure enough confirmation number is in my email.

    but you know what.. that overwhelming urge, just wasn’t there. I mean, i considered it lol i’d be lying otherwise, but it was just.. a TAD bit easier this time. It was manageable this time.Instead of running to the phone to call the dealer (i did look at the phone a few times) I took out a sheet of paper and wrote down exactly what I was going to spend my money on.

    went to WU, go;t the money, paid up my rent, bought food, filled up the gas tank, i even got a freaking netflix account rotfl. I had planned to put back 40 or 50 dollars to take my self to the movies a few times this week. had a little bit more than that.

    You ever watch deep impact, and you know how there are two meteors in the movie, the big one and the small one? well, that amount of money i spent,l would have kept me in a hotel room for the rest of the week easily. that was the BIG meteors I felt good a bout it. came home, got some work done, made some more money actually. But, this little nag..

    you know.. i can get pretty dang high off 80 dollars lol. it just keep growing and growing and growing and i have made a checklist..i knew at that time i really didn’t want to use, i was just anxious, because that’s what I do when I X happens. So I have a list of things I do normally that help me combat being anxious. I cooked dinner because i hadn’t eaten since breakfast, went for a brief walk, took a shower, cut my music up real loud and got back to work. Lo and behold i have made it through the day and I haven’t used! don’;t even want to right now. I’m so proud of myself. I’m about to take myself to the movies (seriously i’m not going anywhere else lol).

    As high as I would have been, nothing beats, just being a freaking normal human being.

    I”m telling you if I can do this, man this is possible. Just keep trying until it works for you

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