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    I feel really bad having to tell you guys this, but I got another prescription. But it’s not that I don’t truly want to quit or to change, I DO, so badly but I am just so confused. I don’t understand what is going on with myself. And I don’t feel like I compare to some of the addicts I hear about, like I just don’t fit in at NA meetings, and I can’t relate to the material and most topics, because I haven’t gotten to that point with my addiction yet but I DON’T WANT TO have too. I’m scared, I just don’t understand myself. I’ve been thinking and thinking, trying to figure out why I am having this struggle, why I get high, etc. And it seems like it’s just because I’m bored and it’s fun, but I know it must be more then that. I just feel like the reason I use drugs, and I can’t even quite figure out why I do, is not the same as most addicts. I don’t understand, I’m not trying to hide from problems, I’m not trying to escape any pain…etc. I know I obviously am not addicted because I’m simply just bored though. I feel like I don’t fit in any ‘category’, I definitely have a rpoblem but yet I can’t fully relate to the addicts I meet at NA. Not that they even know I’m an addict yet, as I just go with my brother sometimes, but I just don’t feel like I get anything from NA, it doesn’t relate to me, maybe because I haven’t hit rock bottom yet. I am trying to find a drug counsellor in my city but I don’t know how, I googled it but didn’t get much. I think that would be my best bet is to go see a drug counsellor and figure this out, why I am where I am. I WANT TO HAVE THIS OUT OF MY LIFE!!! It’s such a demented love/hate relationship. What is it about the short high that makes it seem worth it time and time again. I have to get this out of my life, it’s keeping me in a rut. I’m sick of it.

    Does anyone know for a fact, is it possible for me to go to my pharmacy and talk to them, and isi t possible for them to make it so that every pharmacy in town would know not to prescribe me ritalin, no matter what? If it wasn’t accessible, this would not even be a struggle. I feel like that might be the only way I can control myself. I have lost all control and willpower. I just don’t understand this… it makes NO sense.

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