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- May 21, 2016 at 5:00 pm#39331AnonymousInactive
Not as much as I wanted to. I only had enough for a small bottle of sherry. By the time I was done I was feeling quite ripped. I finished the bottle at about 4 p.m. and decided to go up to my room. On the way up the stairs I knocked a face mask off the wall. I recall thinking that I would go back and hang it up again.
I lay down on my bed, and then it was 8p.m. When I lie down, I tend to fall asleep. I’m not too sure I didn’t black out as opposed to sleeping. Since I had no other money, I just stayed sober. I didn’t sleep of course, and I’m still feeling a bit strange. Part of me is saying ok, just start over. Today can be your Day 1 again and you can get past the whole weekend thing which is turning out to be your biggest downfall right now. I’m going to the doctors office on Monday to get Antabuse. My brother has promised to pay for it.
I have been getting stuff done, like I researched advertising opportunities for my mother’s business and found some really cheap ways that she could do this. But I was so drunk that I forgot to call a woman I’d set up an appointment with and I haven’t done a job search in nearly 2 weeks. The job search thing is scary because I really need a proper job. The telemarketing job I have now just doesn’t pay a damn thing.
I did manage to file for bankruptcy yesterday which is good. I will be getting to keep my condo and should be debt free in 9 – 21 months.
I saw the post about things going bad really quickly and how the poster used to joke about liver ache. Whenever I go into withdrawals my kidneys hurt, and I’m almost convinced that the ache on my left side is my pancreas begging me to lay off the sauce. If I sit the wrong way, like a little too hunched over, the place where my liver is also starts to hurt.
I know that I am coming close to the end of the line. I want my life to be better. I want to get my life back together pronto and like I’ve said many times before, when I’m sober it seems as though there is nothing I can’t do when I put my mind to it. That said, I still want to drink. The reptile part of my brain is saying thank God it is Friday. You can just get absolutely ripped and stay that way all day for two and a half days straight.
I remember when I did that for Christmas about 2 years ago. I bought two 28 oz bottles of Gin, and on very little food drank one over the course of the 25th. I’d opted out of seeing my family that Christmas. I ate almost nothing. Man oh man was I sick the next day. And it wasn’t hang over sick. It was jitteryness, heart palpitations, wild anxiety. I couldn’t be sick because I just hadn’t eaten enough the previous day. I think that is the closest I’ve ever come to giving myself alcohol poisoning. And then when I was feeling a little better I drank the other bottle. Of course I was careful to eat something this time you know. I was gonna be smarter about the whole thing.
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